Super Familiar with The Wilsons
Marriage 2.0 with kids…and all the side quests!
Amanda and Josh on marriage, family, relationships, and connecting with new friends and interesting people. New Episodes every week.
Familiar Wilsons Media produces content to bring people together. We are curious, hopeful, and try not to take ourselves too seriously...admittedly, with varying degrees of success.
Super Familiar with The Wilsons
Find us on instagram at instagram.com/superfamiliarwitthewilsons
and on Youtube
Contact us! familiarwilsons@gmail.com
Super Familiar with The Wilsons
We All Lie to Our Kids and That's Perfectly Fine, Bubbe Meises of the Future
We've all done it—swiped Halloween candy from our kids' stash, pretended to watch their 750th video game playthrough, or claimed we don't know where that toy went (that we definitely threw away). In this candid conversation about the necessary deceptions of family life, we explore the white lies that keep our households running.
Other Talking Points
• Amanda builds a bar cart
• Sneaky HamburgerMission
• Bubbe Meise of the Future
• Mailbag
Super Familiar with The Wilsons
Find us on instagram at instagram.com/superfamiliarwitthewilsons
and on Youtube
Contact us! familiarwilsons@gmail.com
Familiar Wilson's Media Relationships are the story. The following podcast uses words like and and also if you're not into any of that shit, then now's your chance Three, two, one run. I'm super familiar with the Wilsons Get it.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons. I'm Amanda.
Speaker 1:And I am Josh. We are the podcast about marriage 2.0 with kids and all the side quests, and it's interesting, amanda, the thing that we don't really ever talk about is the marriage 2.0 part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we talk about kids a lot and many, many side quests. Why don't we ever talk about is the marriage 2.0 part? Yeah, we talk about kids a lot and many, many side quests.
Speaker 1:Why don't we ever talk about this being our second marriage, for both of us?
Speaker 2:I mean because it's been a long. It's still been a long time. It's 11 years this year. That feels like a long time. I was longer than I was in my first marriage, friend, so you win.
Speaker 1:That's good, I've outlasted him Very good. I've outlasted him Very good. I mean, there's so many things though that even now Like we just had a thing where you had asked me to put together this little rolling bar caddy thing right, mm-hmm. And it was sat in the garage for a long time.
Speaker 2:A year. And then I noticed Last Mother's Day I asked you to put it together.
Speaker 1:I noticed last week. You moved it into the house, which I thought was funny.
Speaker 2:Why was this funny to you, did you?
Speaker 1:think you were being subtle.
Speaker 2:No, I brought it inside so I could put it together. I had resigned that it was not getting put together by you, so I brought it inside so I could put it together, because we had copious amounts of alcohol still on the counter from my birthday party and it was like we got like a bourbon and a brandy over there and a gin here and some other stuff on this other counter Two gins.
Speaker 1:No, we have two gins, I know.
Speaker 2:One gin on one counter and one gin, two bottles of gin, and it's the giant bottles. It's the giant bottles of Bombay.
Speaker 1:His and her gins.
Speaker 2:Anyway. So I was going to put it together, so I would have a central location for all of it.
Speaker 1:But were you pissed at me? This is what I want to know is like did you move it in? And you're like, oh shit, okay, I'm going to have to do this because this guy just hasn't done it. Or were you like, oh, it's fine, I'll just do this because he hasn't found time to do this yet?
Speaker 2:Well, had it not have been like 380 days since the first time that I asked you to put it together, I would have felt, oh, he hasn't found time. But I was just. I wasn't pissed, I was just resigned. This is not getting put together. So I'm going to do it. But then this morning I pulled it out to put it together because I enjoy building things. I had a whole life between my other marriage and this marriage in which I lived in two different places by myself and the only thing I could afford was Ikea furniture. So I have built many things.
Speaker 1:And then you got like annoyed that I was trying to put it together well, first of all, I think we're in trouble, and and these are the signs, what, as you, cheers me with? What is that wine?
Speaker 2:it's white wine, because there was only a little bit left in the bottle 9, 40 well, listen, there was only.
Speaker 1:This is why I think we're in trouble because, number one, you've never referenced your single like in between marriages life before. This is the first time you've referenced it, and now you're drinking at 9 40 in the morning. The church bells are ringing outside.
Speaker 2:No it's it's monday it's memorial day. People start drinking in the mornings when they go out on the boats and make really bad decisions. In florida I'm at least in my house, and it was only a tiny little bit of white wine left in the bottle and it wasn't going to fit on my bar cart, so I needed to put it in the recycling bin.
Speaker 1:All right, well, give me some of that.
Speaker 2:That's mine. You don't want me drinking alone at 940. Please don't stage an intervention. This is not a thing that typically happens.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I'm just checking to make sure we're okay Because, like I said, you've never referenced that part. You're like I can do things. I have reference that part of like like I can do things, I have my own tools, I have my own screwdriver up and up in the closet. First of all, I never. This is like the secrets that we keep. Do you have like other things in there I need to know about?
Speaker 2:oh wait, never mind, never mind moving on, nothing that needs batteries no, that's good, all right, but we're fine, right, you're okay.
Speaker 1:You built your little bar cart and you, you feel better now.
Speaker 2:Happy about my bar cart. I enjoyed it very. There's only one screw that wouldn't go in and I thought I was going to have to call you to come do it. And I was so determined that I wasn't going to ask you to do it, pinched the mess out of my thumb trying to get it. I finally got it in, but I was like, damn it, I'm going to have to ask for help and I do not want to ask for help.
Speaker 1:Okay, well that we were okay, that you recovered from my egregious failure in our marriage and that we still have years of this podcast to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I still like you.
Speaker 1:Okay, very good.
Speaker 2:I mean I always love you, but sometimes I may not like you, but I like you right now. Why are you making it worse? I'm teasing my gosh.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's talk about something totally different. What we intended to start talking about here is lies that parents tell.
Speaker 2:So many we're told to us and that we still perpetrate.
Speaker 1:Well, that's what I wanted to get into. It's like, as parents, you kind of have to be liars sometimes.
Speaker 2:I mean it's a necessity and it's like this weird thing, because I grew up right We've talked about this Like I grew up super religious and lying was bad. It was like one of the Ten Commandments right To not do it.
Speaker 1:I was going to say that I must lie.
Speaker 2:And like I remember my mom. My mom would be so like anti-lying right and I loved. You know, I love Bryan Adams and I loved the when the hell is this going?
Speaker 1:I'm telling you.
Speaker 2:Bryan Adams lied to me. No, the song Everything I do, I do it for you. From the robin hood prince of the soundtrack yeah, loved it and I played it for him like I love the song so much. She was like I like it, but it says I would lie for you and you should never lie for anybody, and so my mom would be like lying is really really bad.
Speaker 1:Pretty sure she lied to me frequently do you think that she lied to you on purpose or she lied to you because she was fed a line of bullshit from her parents?
Speaker 2:Probably both Like that. She knew what I was doing because the Holy Spirit told her what I was doing when I went out.
Speaker 1:Oh, we're not even gonna talk about religious lies here.
Speaker 2:But that's a lie, because that wasn't happening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's just keep it on this side of the parochial fence, please Like my favorite lie, my favorite lie that we do, because I don't know why I get such perverse pleasure out of it. It's the whole Halloween candy lie.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I don't know what happened to the Halloween candy, son? Okay, I need you to know that our child is sitting right outside our door and playing Minecraft with his friends on this little private server.
Speaker 1:He could care less.
Speaker 2:But you know he'll be like damn it. Daddy took my candy.
Speaker 1:No, it's. Either we lost it or I don't know where it is, or you ate it all. Listen, at some point they've got to know these children can't just have their heads so far up their ass that they think we're gonna let them eat all of this candy that they get every Halloween.
Speaker 2:You know how much candy they get.
Speaker 1:My God, it could send Uruguay into diabetic shock. This candy just from his little bucket. And, to be honest, we just simply, with the healthcare system the way it is, we can't afford that to happen.
Speaker 2:No, it's true.
Speaker 1:I don't know how they fool themselves that they're going to get all of this candy especially. You know, at some point they've got to be like well, you lost the candy last year too.
Speaker 2:Dad. Keep last year too. Dad, keep losing my candy. We do a lot of the. I don't know where that is. If you like I've thrown something away that he's not played with, and like or not, I don't throw things away that are usable, I will donate them, but like, if something's broken or whatever and I throw it away. And then he's like where's this thing that he hasn't looked for for like months and I'm like I don't know where that is yeah, along those lines.
Speaker 1:I've used the oh son. The internet doesn't work right now now the reason why?
Speaker 2:the reason why it doesn't work is because I've unplugged it you used to do that to muffie when she like wouldn't want to stop watching a show or whatever, and was fussing at us and we had to leave. You just unplug the router and be like, well, it doesn't work right now. We got to go and then she'd be mad, but going, oh God Also. But I mean, come on, santa, the tooth fairy, the.
Speaker 1:Easter bunny. We don't do that though.
Speaker 2:We don't do it, but I'm saying those are lies parents tell right Now. Muffy did believe for a while, but then she believed in Santa. I never believed in Santa because don't let your children listen to this podcast. I never believed in santa because my mom would write to mandy from santa on presents, but in her own handwriting. So I was like, yeah, that's not, this is you. I never really believed in that nonsense were you ever like mom?
Speaker 1:are you santa's secretary? Do you take dictation for santa?
Speaker 2:um, but muffie believed. And then she believed in the Easter Bunny, she believed in the Tooth Fairy, and then I was like really stressed about how am I going to, you know, how am I going to like disillusion her of this?
Speaker 2:And then she went for a sleepover with her really good friend who just told her everything was not true, and she came home saying, mom, I learned this, this and this are all not true on this sleepover, and so it was a rough like day when she came home, but then we were done with it.
Speaker 1:So I was appreciative. What is your opinion on sleepovers? Because I saw a thing on social media the other day talking about how just nothing good happens at sleepovers, especially with younger kids. What do you think about that? And this? I'm not meaning to go into the super serious vein that this social media post went into. I'm just saying in general, I don't think that there's much use to sleepovers.
Speaker 2:I don't have experience with Muffy doing sleepovers other than like with her best friend when she was little, and that's a mom that I'm very close to and that they were fine and and you and I benefited because she'd go over there and spend the night when we were dating, so we would have nights to ourselves. Um, that was fine. I've had to get her from sleepovers. Like I've gone at two o'clock in the morning to get her from a sleepover that was like a middle school sleepover where they were not being kind to each other morning to get her from a sleepover that was like a middle school sleepover where they were not being kind to each other. Um, I don't remember that from sleepovers. When I was younger I I didn't sleep over anywhere until like fifth grade because I did not want to be away from my parents, um, but I remember we would like somebody would fall asleep. First you'd take their bra and like wet it and then put it in the freezer. Um, or like put mustard on it and then put it in the freezer.
Speaker 1:Like we were not kind to each other's things but we weren't mean to each other's hearts god, I remember that there was this one really naughty movie about the mustard bra really no oh I guess I had really bad friends or just really bad influences friends because we would always go outside way too late and shoot bottle rockets across a busy street and mess with people's houses and stuff. And I'm talking about in middle school here like slightly naughty fun in the 80s type of thing.
Speaker 2:Did you do the thing where you could flip between the channel really quickly and see the naked ladies?
Speaker 1:No, that was at home. This is a different conversation.
Speaker 2:We had the big satellite dish and, yes, I did learn on a sleepover in like fifth or sixth grade about sex because my parents had not talked to me about it yet, and my fifth or sixth grade?
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:No, my like it's that we don't talk about it. It doesn't exist was my family's rule, and my friend knew where her dad's playboys were. Oh now, mind you, really important person in our church. But she knew where his playboys were and then she showed them to me and then had to explain to me what happened. I was very upset going home the next day.
Speaker 1:Did you talk to anyone about it?
Speaker 2:No, no, I'm talking to you about it right now. I never, no, I never told. I mean, I've told that story before, but not, not ever to my parents. Gross.
Speaker 1:The lie of like trying to protect them, like these shots won't hurt.
Speaker 2:No, I've never said that the shots won't hurt, because that's not true, because I remember. Do you not remember getting shots when you were little? You got allergy shots all the time.
Speaker 1:Right, I got shots every week, and so I was used to them from when I was a little bitty child. Like I don't remember the first time I got shots because, like you said, it was probably more often than once a week, but then by the time as a teenager, it was one every saturday morning. Go to dr may's office and the old battle axe behind the counter, beverly, would give me my shot, and then that would be that it's for allergies, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, okay, so I don't. I remember my pediatrician's office was on a lake and when you could lay there on the little thing there was a window and you could look out at the lake. So my mom would always.
Speaker 1:God. This sounds so tragic and traumatic. I would just sit there and stare out.
Speaker 2:Yes, no, so I would be freaking out about the shots and my mom would say just is this why you? Don't like to go on the water though now no, that's because I got stung by jellyfish. Um, I like to go. You always get this wrong. I like to go on the water, not in the water. Anyway, my mom would tell me to look at the swans and the ducks and like focus on them.
Speaker 1:And so then oh God, that is so horrific. It's like a movie starring Scarlett Johansson, where she has a Russian accent. It's terrible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so then now I like associated that for the rest of my like childhood, associated those ducks and swans with pain. It was very, very bad, muffy. When she was little it used to take like the doctor, the nurse and me to hold her down. Like she got really like stressed about these shots. Now, uh, winthrop, I have to think about what his actual name was, winthrop. They now have a thing called shot blockers that they use. Have you seen these things?
Speaker 2:no they're like a square and they have prongs like plastic prongs and they push it on your skin and then give this there's a hole in the middle. And they have prongs like plastic prongs and they push it on your skin and then give this there's a hole in the middle and they give the shot in the middle of it. And because of the other pressure, our children swear they don't feel it anymore, like it's not this big of a deal anymore because of these shot blockers.
Speaker 1:Why have I never heard of this?
Speaker 2:Because you don't go to the pediatrician when they get shots, but anyway, it's a thing. So I've never told the children that the shots aren't going to hurt, because that's not true. But you know what I have said and I caught myself saying this morning, which was just a flat out lie Mom, are you watching? Yes, because no, I'm not. I'm not watching you play that game on. I'm not watching you do the 750th run of Geometry Dash. I'm not, because I've seen it many, many times. I'm whispering because he's right outside the door. No, I'm not watching you.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm watching you, but no, I'm not, because it is not fun for me to sit in. It is not a spectator sport.
Speaker 1:It is really, really difficult for me and it's a problem that I know I have to fix it's really difficult for me to get into these video games that he's into.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I know that it's important for me to show interest in the things that he does, but my God, I freaking hate them so much. He made me play one the other day and I was like I have to do this for my kid because I love him, but I literally wanted to jump off of a tall thing. It was terrible, I was miserable and also, and also he beat me. No, I know Also. And also he beat me. No, I know. And.
Speaker 2:I think he was cheating. You can't cheat. I played this game with him too. Is it where you were playing on your phone and he was playing on the computer? Yes, I hated, it oh my God, it's a school game. I'm so angry at school.
Speaker 1:I'm angry at school for doing this game I played with him.
Speaker 2:It doesn't bother me.
Speaker 1:Oh now, if, If I start to win, then it's okay. But I can't win. I can't win, Because then his little mind will just crash. He hates losing and he hates losing to me.
Speaker 2:Yes, but you also hate losing to him.
Speaker 1:So it's a symbiotic relationship. I don't care.
Speaker 2:I beat him sometimes, I lose, sometimes he and I are fine. Muffy tried to play with him the other day because I couldn't. I was making dinner and she lost her mind and was like I cannot do this. Apparently, I'm the only person in this house that can. I can play for like 30 minutes and be fine.
Speaker 1:Well, heavy is the mantle that you bear.
Speaker 2:but Also another lie that we tell as parents we'll do that someday, we'll go someday.
Speaker 1:No listen, this family has really screwed that up because of you, because you instituted the. We'll do that when you're 13, right? Because I think that you feel bad about saying someday you want to give it a definite end date, so that they feel like I have something to look forward to. But then 13 comes along and we're like 15.
Speaker 2:We've changed it, we've moved the goalposts this is a thing that you do, that we do, when they were 13 oh, I don't remember, because you've said it so many.
Speaker 2:You said it's a muffy about something, or no, it was when she was 10 and it's because she was asking questions of like where do babies come from and stuff, and I'm like we'll tell you when, when you're 10, right. And then she got to 10 and said I don't really want to know yet, like because she had a little brother, like we had just had winthrop, and she was like I don't, I don't want to know, and so I think winthrop was maybe less than a year old when I we finally told her we fumbled that that was so bad it was so bad.
Speaker 1:Why did we feel like it was necessary? I'm trying to climb back into our minds. Why did we feel like it was necessary to tell our daughter about sex in the middle of a pizza restaurant, as she was just finished with dancing? On Valentine's Day as well.
Speaker 2:Because she asked I don't know. And you're generous in saying we, because it was 100% me. It was not you, I did not consult you, I just did it. She asked something about animals. Like she asked something about animals and then I said do you really want to know? And she said yes, and so I told animals. And then I said do you really want to know? And she said yes, and so I told her and then she started crying at the table. It was really bad. She's still mad at me about it and that's like eight years later yeah, that was a big fumble but my parents never told me.
Speaker 2:Did your dad have that conversation with you?
Speaker 1:no, we've, we've done this. He bought me, uh, encyclopedias, the life cycle encyclopedia, and it was a series of like 14 books and like I think book number 12 like dealt with the whole, you know, the sex and babies and all this and that.
Speaker 2:So yeah, that did you go to him with questions did?
Speaker 1:I go with. First of all, he was a single guy and had always been a single guy, not certain what he could have answered, to be honest, anyway.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, all right, we're gonna do that someday. I don't know where that is. Uh, I don't know where all your candy went. Yes, I'm watching you. Are you listening? Yes, I'm listening. I have no idea what you just said, because you've said the same thing like 700 times. What else do you? Because you wanted. You wanted to do this based on something that happened yesterday.
Speaker 1:No, it's not something that happened yesterday. It's something I realized yesterday when I just started thinking about this idea of lying. We lie to Muffy, it's a lie of omission, but Don't tell this story.
Speaker 2:Please don't tell this story. It's so embarrassing.
Speaker 1:What story do you think I'm going to tell? I wasn't going to tell that story, but but now you are Now. I am no. What I was going to tell is the fact that I really enjoy me some cashews and some pecans and other things, and she is extremely allergic to those things, and so sometimes I will have them at the top of the pantry in the house. I want to make it very clear that I wash my hands very carefully I don't get it on anything, but I like myself some pecans.
Speaker 1:Now the thing I'm not even embarrassed about what happened yesterday.
Speaker 2:I am. Why are you? That is a step in the wrong direction.
Speaker 1:So I've been craving a hamburger for the last two or three days, and two days ago we went to the aforementioned pizza place, where we sprung the news to Muffy about how babies happen.
Speaker 2:You had convinced me, or assured me, that they had this great hamburger there. They had a great black and blue hamburger.
Speaker 1:It's the only reason I wanted to go there and they didn't have the damn hamburger.
Speaker 2:Apparently, it's no longer a thing on their menu.
Speaker 1:And it's a weird thing. I'm finding a lot of restaurants that used to have hamburgers don't have hamburgers anymore.
Speaker 2:Why do we think that is? Is it because beef is more expensive?
Speaker 1:I don't know, but it was this pizza place. And then we went to a chicken place that used to have a great hamburger.
Speaker 2:They had a great hamburger.
Speaker 1:Maybe they're just like really intensely focusing on the thing that they're about.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Instead of, and also we have hamburgers. So yesterday we spent the day at a party, got all hot and sweaty because it was outside. We went and we jumped in the pool here in the neighborhood. We got home, we put on our jammas, settled down to be in for the rest of the night and at that point the cravings for the burgers returned and we were looking for options of places that we wouldn't have to get out of the car. We decided to jump in the car and go have Sonic drive-thru, and the thing that you're embarrassed about is that we went out in our jammies to a drive-thru and we did not tell our children.
Speaker 2:We told them we were running an errand.
Speaker 1:We did not tell our children that To which Winthrop said what's an errand?
Speaker 2:And you said we're going to a store, the hamburger store.
Speaker 1:The hamburger store, but you're embarrassed by the fact that we, as adults, we wanted to have hamburgers and we didn't want to tell our kids, and so we snuck it up into our bedroom and ate the hamburgers.
Speaker 2:Yes, because that's hiding food and I feel like that's the beginning of some sort of eating disorder.
Speaker 1:We didn't hide it from each other. We're holding each other accountable or, in this case, whatever. The opposite of holding each other accountable is holding each other accountable or, in this case, like whatever the opposite of holding each other accountable is, but it's not an eating disorder.
Speaker 2:Sat in our bed and ate our burgers.
Speaker 1:Eating burgers in bed is an eating disorder, then yes, guilty, we have that yeah, no, that's what I thought you were gonna say I was.
Speaker 2:So the lie of omission is that we just didn't tell our children we went to get burgers.
Speaker 1:Ah, that's fine they don't listen to this anyway, nor do any of their friends. But let's talk about a couple of lies that we tell to ourselves as parents, because I wrote down two of these. Number one I won't parent like my parents did. Well, that's pretty unavoidable. Now I will say that I was raised by an extremely unemotionally available person. Actually, that's not quite true, but the only emotions that were available to me were anger and frustration. So I parent the opposite of that. I'm very emotionally available to the kids, but I find myself getting impatient.
Speaker 2:the exact same way that he did.
Speaker 1:I don't know if that's just ingrained and I gotta fight against it. But I do not have patience for what I in the moment deemed to be nonsense. And then, when I look back on it, I'm like well, no, this is, your child needs something and doesn't know how to express it. But that initial impatience, boy, that ain't me or it is me, but that didn't come from me.
Speaker 2:That came from him, that's his legacy. I'm sorry, I don't know. I mean I, the thing that I don't do is I don't religiously guilt my children and we I don't spank them and those were the things that happened to me, but I also, in this weird way, like my mom, was such a caring, loving, giving, generous person and I try to emulate that because you know, it's like the thing about be the thing that you loved best, about the people who are no longer here.
Speaker 2:And I'm trying very hard to to do that and I know, yeah, I'm trying very hard to to do that and I know like I will buy gifts and like just whatever you know, for whatever reason, and I know it kind of you're like stop buying things, but I, I mean, and it's not like those expensive things, but to me it was the thing like I would come home from school and there would be like a new dress on my bed, mom's like I was out, I saw this, I thought of you and that to me is so special. Just the there's no occasion. I just thought of you and that's.
Speaker 1:I like to do that for the people that I love I mean that's why I text you so often, because I'm I'm thinking of you and so there I text you and that has the virtue of like not costing as much as a dress cost, so win-win yeah, but we still have the cell phone bill to pay for well, there you go, see.
Speaker 1:I am spending a lot of money on you, then, thank you. Another lie that I told myself as a parent that I'm trying to get away from is we won't ever use screen time as a babysitter.
Speaker 2:Oh Lord it's so hard though.
Speaker 1:We say as our child literally is outside of our door right now playing Minecraft.
Speaker 2:Well, but it's kind of nice though, because with him being the youngest, significantly by 10 years, it doesn't have kids his age to to play with. He keeps asking me for a babysitter. A babysitter, a baby sister, I'm like. But no, but also, by the time that one was old enough for you to play with, you would not be wanting to play with this, this baby child, so, and we don't let him play with people online because of safety reasons. That that's not a thing.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So somebody from my work who also has two kids around his age has set up a secure server for Minecraft and they just play the three of them together. It's very cute. They get on FaceTime with one of our old phones and talk to each other and play, and so he's building a little bit of friendship too. And I think it's hard for us because that is not how we built friendship, like screens and digital things weren't away in the 80s and 90s, and so now we look at it and say that's not real connection. But I don't know that we can say that. I think that's coming from our personal experience and bias.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think it's real connection, but I understand your point.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, Could you just think it's real connection. But I understand your point. Oh my God, could you just think it through for a second.
Speaker 1:I will later.
Speaker 2:What is it about being in person with someone versus just being able to hear their voice?
Speaker 1:Oh, so much happens non-verbally in communication, so much so you're telling me that people who are seeing impaired don't build connection Wait wait, wait, okay, devil's advocate, let me make my point before you knock it down, okay, so you've got facial expression, you've got even little micro expressions, right. They've got posture, tone of voice, you've got just being in the same space as someone and that energy that you get, and really not having all of those things, I think it makes it a lot easier to objectify, to not see the person or perceive the person as a complete human being when they're just, when it's just the voice or when it's just text, or when it's just whatever.
Speaker 2:All right, I will give you the energy in the room, but I am not willing to say that. You know, if you can't see facial expressions or I do think those are helpful they are on FaceTime. They can see each other.
Speaker 1:Okay, but see, you're just saying that seeing is the only sentence, right? Not what I said no, you are, though. You are because listen, because the people who can't see, then you can still have physical touch right, which is very important.
Speaker 1:You don't have that Smell very important and, by the way, I'm not saying that he mustn't have these interactions and also he has all of his senses. I don't know why you're bringing this straw man to this argument. I think it's healthier for him to have more in-person interactions than he has online interactions and I think, in general, that is so.
Speaker 2:I agree with that as well, but I'm just saying that this is better than him just sitting there watching people on YouTube play these games. Like he is creating with other people and building connections that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but I mean, we don't have just those two choices?
Speaker 2:No, he played with people in person at the playground yesterday and he played with people at the pool.
Speaker 1:Yes there you go. So what are the lies that you tell yourself as parents or even just as people, as human beings? Email us at familiarwilsons at gmailcom. And for some reason, Amanda has now put her head inside of her shirt like a turtle trying to escape.
Speaker 2:No, it's because I'm having a hot flash and I'm blowing down inside my shirt to get some air circulating. So damn hot.
Speaker 1:Pocket watch ticking constricting coat and vest, marking moments, sparking movement, making minutes, never giving rest. Marble floor receiving it's fest hole time. Fest hole is an account that I follow on threads and it's basically people making anonymous confessions and this is the parent edition, so I want to get your.
Speaker 2:Oh good yeah, so I want to get your. Oh good, yeah, so I want to get your input on these. Is this going to make me feel better about myself or worse about myself?
Speaker 1:Well, let's see. The first one goes. A little bit of alcohol makes me a better parent, sober can't deal with our bullshit. Two drinks in hell yeah, my dude, that unreasonableness is funny.
Speaker 2:Let's riff on that okay thoughts well, I mean, we are of the age that when we have more than one drink, we just get tired, so I don't think that that that might have been the case at one point in time. I no longer feel like it's the case. What do you?
Speaker 1:think. Is alcohol starting to lose its effect on you? It is. I just think that that means that you need to go without for a week and then you got to reset your tolerance no it because I feel it the next day, so it's not like it hasn't affected me, it just no longer.
Speaker 2:I don't think I metabolize it correctly anymore.
Speaker 1:Oh well, what's happened? We need to start walking again so that we can handle our booze correctly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. We need to get healthy so that we can drink. That sounds good.
Speaker 1:I do often think that that children present themselves as if they're drunk. They say stuff that doesn't make sense and actually the younger they are, the drunker they seem to me, because they, my god. Toddlers are just drunk people they can't walk and they can't talk.
Speaker 2:Right, that is just a drunk and it's not fair that it's funny in toddlers and not funny in a 45 year old man, but still yeah, but if I gotta tell a guy to put his shoes on like 50 times before we can get out of the door and he's just laying there being like I don't like my shoes, I don't want my shoes when are my shoes? I don't have patience for his 45 year old ass.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's do the next one. No one warns you, but raising children is terrible for your health. That is true. We did an episode on that. I had nearly 20 years of booze, drugs and partying under my belt when my son was born, but physically and mentally I was still in pretty good shape. But after five years of clean and sober parenting I'm a wreck. It all has to do with sleep, my friends.
Speaker 2:It all goes back to sleep.
Speaker 1:What is the lesson here? Get your damn sleep before you have kids, because then you will never sleep right again. You know, I can't sleep in anymore.
Speaker 2:Even though our child is now sleeping, he slept till almost 8 o'clock this morning.
Speaker 1:Me 5.30. 5.30, which does my head in on work days, because the alarm is supposed to go off at 6. Actually, on work days I usually wake up at 3.30. And sometimes I go back to sleep and sometimes I don't. On days off it's kind of delightful, because I wake up, I go downstairs, I will make tea or coffee.
Speaker 2:You made eggs.
Speaker 1:this morning I made eggs this morning and I'll just chill and just enjoy my. That's fine. I love that, but not when I'm working.
Speaker 2:You're turning into my dad.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:My dad would fall asleep in the chair watching TV and then wake up at like four, five o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1:Didn't he have an outside sleeping chair?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because my mom wouldn't let him smoke and my dad grew up on a tobacco farm so he was a lifetime smoker and my mom would not let him smoke in the house so he carpeted. The back porch was still just screened in. It had a lazy boy and cable tv out there.
Speaker 1:He slept out there did he like often every night until they got divorced, every night he must have stank, though, because of sweating and all this I don't know.
Speaker 2:I wasn't up in that business so I don't know. But then he moved, when he moved to his own place and she moved to her own place. I don't, I don't know. I wasn't up in that business, so I don't know. But then he moved, when he moved to his own place and she moved to her own place. I don't, I don't know what he did.
Speaker 1:He still had an outdoor chair, cause I visited and he, yeah, he would smoke outside, but I don't think he smoked inside.
Speaker 2:But yeah, no, he would always just fall asleep watching TV and you, you'll take your glasses off and turn over and like face me, but on your side, and I'll say good night, no, I'm not going to sleep, I'm just listening. And within 30 seconds you were snoring. And then I'm just in this room, you're in the bed snoring and the dog is in the chair next to me snoring, and everybody is just around me snoring and I'm still wide awake.
Speaker 1:So so you need to get earplugs, that's all. That is all right. Last one daughter's room was horrific clothes, food, mugs etc. Thrown about. Told her she'd get mice. She didn't believe me so I went on amazon no and bought 100 grams of black rice. Chucked a teaspoon in there when she was out. It's much tidier now mouse droppings yeah I thought the joker actually went and bought mice no, he bought black rice and he made her think kind of smart, though that's very smart, yep, I love it do you remember when muffie was little?
Speaker 2:this is before, I think before we had winthrop and a frog got in her closet yeah, and she was terrified and wouldn't sleep in her room because, she was terrified this frog was going to jump on her and you were in there for like two hours trying to find this frog and you came out with a cup and like it on your hand and swore up and down that the frog was in there, but you wouldn't let her see it because you said you didn't want it to escape. Did you really find the frog?
Speaker 1:no, that was a lie that parents tell I just wanted to go to sleep, all right, so there you go. What lies do you tell your children? No, we're past that?
Speaker 2:what lies do you tell your children?
Speaker 1:No, we're past that.
Speaker 2:What lies, do you tell yourself?
Speaker 1:We're in the next segment, friend. We're on the festival.
Speaker 2:What are your confessions about parenting? You need to tell us.
Speaker 1:FamiliarWilsongmailcom. It's time we revisit the idea of Bubba Micey. You remember this. Isn't it like Yiddish sayings it's old grandma's tales or superstitions, and growing up in Miami, I was surrounded by Don't go outside with your hair wet.
Speaker 2:You're going to catch a cold.
Speaker 1:Don't swim at least until an hour after you've eaten.
Speaker 2:All these things that.
Speaker 1:Mythbusters has busted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I did a little thinking and I came up with Bubba Micey of the future.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:And so these are things that we will hear in 20, 30, 40 years, when 50 years maybe, when this generation that's coming up now are grandparents right. For example, if you say I don't really care about politics, your Roomba will only clean the right side of your house.
Speaker 2:Your brain is an interesting place.
Speaker 1:If you skip too many YouTube ads, a tech bro loses his Patagonia vest. If you say the word self-care three times in a row, Gwyneth Paltrow appears to try to sell you a vagina candle. No, no, no. If you use your phone while it's charging, you will suddenly hate brunch. If you order food delivery three times in one day, your great-grandmother appears in the doorway with her magic ladle to curse your legs so that you forget how to stand.
Speaker 2:These are really specific friend.
Speaker 1:Every time you skip a Billie Eilish song, your emotional depth shrinks by half a mood ring.
Speaker 2:Half a mood ring.
Speaker 1:And then if you scroll past a sea turtle post without liking it, you must send Greta Thunberg a handwritten apology on a vegan taco.
Speaker 2:Listen, there is some real stuff going on right now with the people like you need to repost this because you know all the bad things are. All the puppies are going to die and all this Like it's a loop that Muffy gets caught in and it's not good.
Speaker 1:Well, there you go. So there's some Bubba Mice from the future. The future. It's time for our mailbag, and in this mailbag we will include a Refined Gay. Thoughts from Refined Gay Jeff. Jeff says to us happy belated birthday, amanda. I'm sorry I couldn't send a video of birthday wishes and advice last week, but I had a mishap with my phone and was not able to. In a freak accident, I dropped my phone outside by the pool and then, in Murphy's Law fashion, a very large rock immediately fell on it and shattered the screen, rendering it useless.
Speaker 2:Where did this rock how did this rock just fall? Did it fall from the sky.
Speaker 1:Well, you are in Texas. Which weird things happen in Texas. He says it's been completely repaired now, but hell hath no fury like a gay man, mildly inconvenienced. And then, of course, he sent us a video anyway the next night from the ripcord.
Speaker 2:Which I loved with my whole heart.
Speaker 1:No, it was really really good, amanda. I need to tell you the story of the reserve sign that I made In a previous episode. Amanda talked about perimenopause being when your ovaries left your body and went to a tavern right.
Speaker 2:It was basically a Shakespearean way of explaining perimenopause, and so it was in. Menopause is when nine ovaries have left your body and have retired to a tavern two towns away.
Speaker 1:So Jeff, in the video that he sent to Amanda from his gay bar of choice for my 50th birthday um sent a picture of a sign that he had printed and put on a chair saying reserved for Amanda's ovaries right, so good so good he said everyone wanted to know who Amanda was and why her ovaries were not still attached within her body, and then it was incumbent upon me to relay your story. So now everyone at the Ripcord is supporting you on your perimenopause journey and is reserving space for your ovaries.
Speaker 2:I love that. I can't wait to go to Houston and meet all of my ovary supporters.
Speaker 1:We may even have a party. Jeff, you better absolutely better have told them to listen to the podcast. I better see a bunch of downloads from Houston all of a sudden. Gay men love to have a reason to celebrate and can do it with style and a plum. You know, some men are meant to fertilize eggs, but gay men can only paint them for Easter. So he said he got sidetracked.
Speaker 1:I printed your reserve sign out at work but I ran out of toner from my printer in my library so I had to send it to one of the other printers in the building. We have this thing that allows us to send print jobs to other locations and you can print from any printer after you scan in that building. Well, imagine my surprise when I went to go pick up your reserve sign and it never came through. It was attached to something else I was printing and was like the third or fourth page, all my other stuff printed out, but not your reserve sign, which means it was maybe sent to another location instead or still floating around in cyberspace somewhere. It's possible that a reserve for Amanda's ovary sign ended up in some teacher's printouts for classroom.
Speaker 2:I really hope so, jeff. I hope so so much. If it shows up somewhere in the building, I'll be sure to let you know, yes, please so he's dedicating all of his thoughts this week to your ovaries jeff, as a former teacher who could never make things print, I would be so happy to learn that that showed up in. Like the band directors. Like music for the next thing.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, so happy so we also have a letter from our friend monique in germany. Okay, so first of all there's this title, that she says amanda, something, something, something, something, something, deutschland right so it's all in german? Yes, I believe it says happy birthday from germany probably, but it says herlichen glücksfans zoom Geburtstag aus Deutschland.
Speaker 2:How is that Monique? How is Josh's German?
Speaker 1:She says happy birthday, amanda, I wish you health, happiness and a steady supply of drinks. And Josh, good luck pronouncing the subject line. Okay, First of all, if I said something naughty, I apologize right in my attempt to say that. So Monique goes on. You asked about birthday parties. Sorry, wrong person to ask. My husband and I both do not like being among lots of people at the same time and feel that when there's a large group you're only there for the catering and in the end have hardly spoken to any of them. We have not hosted a large party for our own birthday since we were students and prefer to celebrate by going out for a nice dinner, which is lovely.
Speaker 1:And, of course, eat cake. You cannot have a birthday without cake. Friends and family, of course, are always welcome to visit, but preferably one couple or family at a time, one at a time.
Speaker 2:You need a turnstile, monique. Do you know what that is Like when you're walking into a concert venue or something and the thing, or even like to the metro or the subway, and the thing will open and shut and not let you in. This is what you need, so like one couple at a time can come into your home.
Speaker 1:She says, because we live several hours away from most of them, they usually stay the weekend or longer, always lots of fun, because no one is in a hurry, we can drink as much as we like. Plus we get to celebrate several times and even eat more cake.
Speaker 2:That's nice, that's a lovely thing, and thank you, monique, for the birthday wishes.
Speaker 1:From what I observed, my German neighbors tend to celebrate birthdays with small groups of close family and friends, some just coming for coffee in the morning, others for a beer in the afternoon or evening. The round numbers such as 50, 60, et cetera, are usually celebrated in a larger way, often with a garden party or barbecue or meeting at a restaurant.
Speaker 2:I want a garden party.
Speaker 1:So we talked also about changing names right, when you're married. That was one of the things we talked about. Monique says this. As for changing names, I agree with Amanda that it really should be easier. I also chose to take my husband's name, changed it everywhere and was astonished that about a decade later, the bank decided that women should use their maiden name and changed it back.
Speaker 2:What that's just very arbitrary of the Bank of Germany. But yes, Monique, it is quite a pain to try to change your name. I'm so sorry that happened to you twice.
Speaker 1:Well, wait, it goes on, she says. The company I used to work for even decided that all women got email accounts on their maiden name because they could not be bothered by changing them when one married or divorced. Of course, that did not go down very well. In the end they had to abandon that plan. And don't get me started on using your passport as identification. My Dutch passport used to state my maiden name and underneath that an additional line with married to colon name. Okay, understandable, All official items are covered. Now, when renewing your passport, your married name is left out, unless you specifically request for it to be included, and then it's printed on a different page so nobody can find it until you point it out.
Speaker 2:Seems unnecessarily complicated.
Speaker 1:Yes, Germany is more traditional than the Netherlands, so only using your married name is quite common Example. Let's say that my full name is Sandra Monique Smith and I'm married to Mr Jones, so officially that makes me Sandra Monique Jones Smith, and in daily life I use Monique Jones, which, by the way, not her real name but my passport shows Smith, unless you know where to look to look. Picking up parcels at the post office just got a lot more difficult I can't imagine trying to go in and out of customs yes.
Speaker 1:And then she, of course, congratulates muffie on her graduation, graduating college before high school, which is fun. And there you go. Thank you, monique for that very kind insight.
Speaker 1:And then we have one more, because I asked folks what's the party scene where you are? So we got an email from England. Hi Wilsons, I thought I'd reach out to provide some feedback on the party scene in jolly old England. Whilst I can't speak for everyone, I tell you that I've been going to a lot more parties recently. They're kind of kept on the down low, so much so that we often wear masks to hide our identity no, he, you're so full of it every everyone is very welcoming, though, and we pop our keys in a bowl and just have a really nice time.
Speaker 1:If I've learned one thing from these parties, it's always rubber up kindness.
Speaker 2:Regards dan belson I mean dan bel. Doesn't rubber mean like eraser in your land? So I don't think that you mean condoms, I don't. I really wish that I could believe anything he ever says, and I can't.
Speaker 1:No, I believe this bit.
Speaker 2:Do you yes? I do Did he meet all of these key party people on Tinder. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I, just I need the hundreds of dating apps that this gentleman is on this whole point was that people are not hosting gatherings nearly the amount of that.
Speaker 2:we were pre pandemic, so we were just wanting to know. None of that was helpful. Thank you, though, dan.
Speaker 1:Oh, good luck, Dan, and make sure to rub her up.
Speaker 2:We'll make sure to invite you to our next masked key party.
Speaker 1:We should invite Gavin to the masked key party and just have him hold the pole. Alright, amanda, that's all there is. There is no more. We are on our way to another graduation party, so that should be fun.
Speaker 2:I'm looking forward to it. We're celebrating all of Muffy's friends and their various graduations as well.
Speaker 1:Well, we're going to someone's house who, I assume and hope, has plenty of alcohol on offer.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know. You might want to pregame.
Speaker 1:Okay, well good, I'm not driving, not it? Of course, this podcast would not be possible without the contributions of the following people. We'd like to thank Antonio for plausible deniability, josh Scar for the alibis, danny Buckets for the fishtails, chicken Tom for faking the moon landing, monique for the believable backstories, Joey Leo for the whispered rumors, refined Gay Jeff for the elegant exaggerations, mark and Rachel for the selective memory and Dan and Gavin for the lies we tell ourselves. Alright, folks, until next week, y'all, go and be the best that you can be.
Speaker 2:You don't sound very convinced about that. Yeah, are you tired now?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, because you've been up since 5. Alright, friends, look, whatever you go, do be careful. Take an Uber, don't put your keys in a bowl.
Speaker 1:Rubber up.
Speaker 2:And go be kind.
Speaker 1:Bye, bye, thank you.
