Bonus: A Father's Day Reflection

A heartfelt Father's Day reflection on breaking cycles of emotional unavailability and becoming the parent you never had. 

Super Familiar with The Wilsons
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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Father's Day Reflections
• 1:07 Single Dad Adopts a Kid
• 2:30 Learning Fatherhood Without a Manual
• 4:43 Becoming the Dad I Needed
• 6:10 Breaking Cycles and Building Better

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Familiar Wilson's Media Relationships are the story. You are made of meat, my friend, all the way down. The following podcast uses words like and and also. If you're not into any of that shit, then now's your chance. Three, two, one run. I'm super familiar with the Wilsons. Get it Welcome to. Super Familiar with the Wilsons. I'm Josh. Amanda's not here.

Speaker 1: 0:34

We are actually packing to go away for a couple of days, kind of in celebration of Father's Day, but also on a work thing for her. So did not want this Father's Day to go by without saying something, because I'm a dad and I've seen all my children. Today we had a lovely breakfast. The one who works today I drove by and visited him at work and yeah, so it's been a good Father's Day. But Father's Day always causes me to reflect. I didn't have the easiest childhood, I did not have the picture-perfect father situation and I thought that I would write a little something expressing that. And you know, as with everything that I write, I could write it and then just let it sit there, or I can write it and then express it out into the world. So I figured, why the hell not? So here you go. This is a little fatherhood poem about the tragedy and the drama and the lovely, beautiful experience that I've had as a father and as a son. Not the typical comedic fare that you're used to, but perhaps you'll forgive me. Happy Father's Day. Here's the setup Single dad adopts a kid. Sounds noble, right Plot twist Turns out being willing to sign adoption papers doesn't automatically qualify you for father of the year.

Speaker 1: 1:59

My real dad Complete mystery Could be anyone from the milkman to that dude who sold encyclopedias door to door. But here I am, equipped with three sons who think I'm alright, give it some time. Boys and one stepdaughter who came prepackaged with my wife's excellent taste in men Second time around. Obviously Blended family, they call it. Sounds like a smoothie but tastes like controlled chaos with a side of whose turn. Is it to explain why toddlers sometimes behave like drunk middle-aged daredevils? My stepdaughter, bless her, inherited her mother's skepticism and my complete inability to understand why anyone needs to be cruel and unkind.

Speaker 1: 2:45

But I stand as dad now, and that word hits different when it's chosen, not assigned the boys. Those boys, they're homegrown philosophers asking questions that would stump Stephen Hawking. Dad, why do hot dogs come in packs of 10 but buns come in packs of 8? Dad, if you could fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses. Dad, why are you crying? Because love, son. Because love is a burglar that breaks into your chest and steals everything you thought you knew about yourself.

Speaker 1: 3:23

The man who adopted me, let's call him air quote. Dad, air quote was an expert in the fine art of emotional unavailability, a black belt in selective hearing, a PhD in. Oh yeah, I'll be there, but not anymore, by the way. So here I am, rootless as a tumbleweed, trying to parent myself backwards while parenting forwards. It's like doing calculus while riding a unicycle. In a hurricane of feelings, I'm gathering myself backwards, you see, collecting the scattered pieces of who I might have been if someone had shown me how to tie my shoes with patience, or how to fail without shame, or how to tie my shoes with patience, or how to fail without shame, or how to love without keeping score. Here's what I've learned about fatherhood it's 8% genetics, 99% showing up and 100% bad at mathematics. It's learning that, because I said so is actually a perfectly valid argument when you're running on three hours of sleep and someone's demanding to know why they can't have ice cream for breakfast.

Speaker 1: 4:29

When my stepdaughter graduated, walked across that stage like she owned the world, which, let's face it, she probably will. I cried inside like a broken fire hydrant, not because I made her broken fire hydrant, not because I made her, but because she let me love her. My sons maybe now, maybe when they're older, will realize their dad is just a slightly taller child who learned to pay bills and make dad jokes that could level cities. Please remember this. I will always be here. I've seen tantrums and sleepless nights. I've heard Dad watch this, followed by something that definitely requires health insurance. I've felt heartbreak and worry and I can't do this.

Speaker 1: 5:11

And I know you can and have pride in my heart that could burst the Hoover Dam and you, my fierce stepdaughter, thank you for teaching me that family isn't about biology. It's about who shows up to dance recitals, who remembers what you're allergic to, who walks you down aisles, both real and metaphorical mathematics, how chosen family chooses back, how being someone's dad is option A biology and chromosomes and option B. I got you kiddo. I got you Three sons, one daughter, one wife who believed I could be better. They've taught me that fatherhood is less about the blood in your veins and more about the love in your voice when you say their names.

Speaker 1: 6:03

I'm learning to father myself in the margins of fathering them, becoming the dad I needed, while being the dad they deserve. Some days I'm parenting four children. Some days I'm parenting five, the fifth one being the kid. I was still waiting for someone to say son, you're doing all right. And my friends, here are the genetics that matter, the inherited ability to love someone else's dreams more than your own fears. Happy Father's Day to all of us who are making it up as we go along, who are parenting without a manual, who are breaking cycles, who are building something better from the beautiful wreckage of what came before.