Go Tell Collin Whitlock!

This week on Super Familiar with the Wilsons, Amanda and Josh are joined by Collin Whitlock for a chaotic chat about storytelling, community, and why a room full of grown adults collectively moaning can be the most emotionally responsible thing you do all month. 

Along the way: we test our extremely questionable knowledge of English cities, wander into the sacred territory of awkward silence, and remember that being uncomfortable in a safe place is… weirdly kind of the point? 

Plus: a fresh round of “What the F**k Is John Saying?” (Game time: Scottish edition), and the return of anonymous internet confessions that will make you laugh, cringe, and possibly never trust your own nostrils again. 

Marriage 2.0, side quests, and kids.

Super Familiar with The Wilsons
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Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Open, Hosts, And Colin Arrive
• 0:32 English Cities Game And Cultural Bits
• 4:32 Why Show And Tell Exists
• 7:10 Building Safety, Curiosity, And Support
• 8:38 The Moan And Groan Ritual
• 12:00 Sitting With Discomfort And Processing
• 15:35 Silence, Quakers, And Letting Messages Land
• 18:56 Spiritual Hunger Without Religion
• 22:15 Themes, Change, And Extending Ourselves
• 25:10 Perimenopause, Community, And Naming The Hard
• 27:30 Invite To The Bull And Monthly Details
• 28:14 What The Fuck Is John Saying
• 31:20 Kid Wisdom On Identity And Footsteps
• 33:56 Festhole Confessions And Comic Relief
• 38:40 Recommendations Round: Drinks, Food, Markets
• 42:00 Colin’s Podcast And Archiving Real Life
• 46:40 Vulnerability, Masculinity, And Modeling Softness
• 50:12 Playful Close And Producer Shoutouts
• 54:00 Original Poem On Aging And Choice

Transcript

Cold Open, Hosts, And Colin Arrive

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Familiar Wilson's Media. Relationships are the story.

SPEAKER_05 0:08

You are made of meat, my friend, all the way down.

SPEAKER_06 0:10

The following podcast uses words like and and also woo. If you're not into any of that shit, then now's your chance.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_06 0:20

Run.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Super familiar with it.

English Cities Game And Cultural Bits

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons. I'm Amanda.

SPEAKER_06 0:32

And I'm Josh. And I'm Colin. And this is the podcast about Marriage 2.0 with all the side quests and kids. I always get that wrong.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

I get it wrong. You say kids, I say side quests. It's fine.

SPEAKER_06 0:42

Oh my god. It's because Colin's here.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

It's because we have a guest.

SPEAKER_06 0:46

I'll just I'll leave.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

No, stay, please.

SPEAKER_06 0:48

So we're gonna talk to Colin today about storytelling. But first, how many English cities can you name that aren't London? Oh my god. York.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

Uh uh wait, I'm trying to think of a specific one. Okay, so there's Liverpool. You better get Liverpool. Yeah. Cirencester. That's the one I was trying to think of before. Sirencester. Sussex. And I think maybe Essex too. Oxford. Yorkshire.

SPEAKER_06 1:18

You've done a pretty good job. Our friends, the Belsons, who live in Slough, which is where they have the original office, and right next to London. They're honorary Wilsons. Dan Belson asked me yesterday randomly, what do you think the most famous uh cities in England are? Oh, okay. Right? And and uh because he was having a text conversation with his uh friends, and they want he wanted the the opinion of a foreigner.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

And then you took it upon yourself to just start listing cities.

SPEAKER_06 1:45

Well, I did that, but I went around work and I asked the people at work how many they could name, right? So I asked about ten people or so. Five of them said Liverpool, which obviously with the Beatles connection, right? People are gonna probably know that. Three said Manchester.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

Okay, Manu. Manu.

SPEAKER_06 2:00

Um, two said Birmingham.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

Okay, Newcastle, two, I forgot.

SPEAKER_06 2:05

Oh, see, now you're thinking through all the Premier League teams. Uh, one said Woking.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Woking is a place.

SPEAKER_06 2:10

It is, no. One said Downton, not a place.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

But as an abbey.

SPEAKER_06 2:16

One didn't know any, and one commented that they thought that Nottingham was fictional. Um, so I'm just wondering, like, in general, are people aware of I mean, England, the UK is a pretty big place. It's a pretty well-known place. Sure.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

And by big place you mean well-known, because it's not a big place.

SPEAKER_06 2:35

Well, it used to be used to be a big place.

SPEAKER_03 2:37

But I don't know. Well, I'm not playing because I was in that text thread and I said the Cotswolds, which aren't even a it's not even a city.

SPEAKER_06 2:44

It's just uh You're so, as they would say, you're so posh because you name check basically the British equivalent of the Hamptons.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

It's because I read British fiction and they all contemporary fiction and they all want to go to the Cotswolds for like vacay. So that's why. Um, and then the other one I named was Stratford upon Avon, which nobody said.

SPEAKER_05 3:02

Very good.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

We're great Shakespeare people. But yeah, I'm just happy that you didn't make me count them because I don't know. Colin's been listening to uh to the previous podcast. I don't know if you happened to get to the one where Josh made me uh count how many fruits and vegetables he could name at bedtime.

SPEAKER_04 3:18

No, I haven't got there. Can't wait.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

So we were like going to sleep. It's like 10 something, and I am going to sleep. And I typically fall asleep with like an audiobook or something in my ear. And and he's just how many fruits or vegetables can you have to be.

SPEAKER_06 3:33

How many foods?

SPEAKER_03 3:34

How many foods can you name? And I'm like, I I don't know. And he's like, but no, I said a thousand. And then he was like questioning whether or not I could name a thousand. So then he starts he starts naming foods. Right. But he wants me to count out loud as he's doing it.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

That's a big ass.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

And it was, oh my God. So I'm just happy that this did not happen at bedtime and I have to count anything.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Speaking of bedtime, you just reminded me of two other cities that I know of because Audrey and I, when we go to bed separately, before we met, we we would I would say, like, oh, it's time to go to Bedingham. And she would say, It's time to go to Bedfordshire. There you go. And and I made the argument, like, at least Bedingham's a real place. And she said, Well, Bedfordshire is too. Bedfordshire is too. We looked it up and they both exist. I didn't even realize that it actually exists.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

I would not have thought Bedingham was. I would have believed in Bedfordshire, but yeah.

SPEAKER_06 4:25

Anyway, speaking of Colin, yes, Colin has his own podcast that we'll let you pitch at the end of this if we make it to the end.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

That's Josh's way of saying you have to stay.

SPEAKER_06 4:34

Right, that's right. I won't leave. Yeah. Uh but Colin, you're here to talk about uh storytelling. Yeah. And you're here to talk about that because you have this really amazing event that you do called Show and Tell. That how long's that been going on? Uh three or four years. I'm I'm bad at that. I think it's four years. And we went for the first time a couple months ago, and I'm kicking myself for not having gone before because it was just such an amazing experience. If you had to give me the elevator pitch on what uh show and tell is, what is it?

SPEAKER_02 5:05

Okay, so I was uh for 15 years, I was a public school teacher. I taught reading and language arts uh in eighth grade, and my favorite part of that was sitting and talking with the class and like letting the kids have their perspective and their um their input and their questions and things like that. It was just the best day. So a lot of days that's what we did. We would read and we would talk and we'd kind of share. I also um I've always loved storytelling. I used to go to the storytelling event uh that used to be held at Satchels called The Conch, and it was hosted by Natalie Nix. And um and that was an impromptu storytelling night. It was whoever was at Satchels that night would be able to come up and tell a story, and a lot of times it was just awful, like rambling, you know, random stories, but it was beautiful. I loved it. Um, around the time that that ended, I also stopped teaching in the public school system and started teaching privately. And I had I had two holes in my heart. This I I the conch was gone and my classroom was gone. I really missed it. And so uh Jacob Larson at the Bull and I sort of concocted this plan to have a uh an impromptu storytelling event where people could have the chance to prepare if they wanted to, but also they could just be there and we could talk and share. And we kind of wanted to combine as much as we could the spirit of Pee-wee's Playhouse with being ridiculous and kind of inane. Um, and also Mr. Rogers' neighborhood, where we made sure that we made time for silence, made time for uh introspection, and uh, you know, tried to create a neighborhood. It is unlike anything I've ever been to.

Building Safety, Curiosity, And Support

SPEAKER_06 6:54

Thank you. It is truly amazing. If you were to tell me, okay, we're gonna have a storytelling event, what I would think was, oh, this is gonna be awful. Because you know, most people aren't public speakers, most people don't really know how to order their thoughts and be able to deliver when you say storytelling. In my mind, I'm thinking, okay, I'm gonna sit down and I'm gonna read this story and it's gonna have a beginning and it's gonna make a lot of sense. That's not necessarily what happens with your thing, but somehow it works. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Why does it work? I think because somehow the environment has uh I I can't I can't take full credit or even the majority of credit, but the bowl itself, the atmosphere there is like a safe place, I think, um, and very welcoming to everyone, or at least it's it's attempting to be welcome, welcoming to everyone, and so far I think it's doing a great job. And so I think there's a certain level of safety there, and then the the atmosphere that has been created within show and tell and within the community that shows up for it is incredibly supportive and incredibly embracing of our differences. People come up there and will say things that I can tell the rest of the audience disagrees with or might feel uncomfortable with, but everybody is there to try to figure out well, why? Like, how did this person get there? Why are they feeling the way they do? And we find a way to support that, we find a way to be curious about it, and uh somehow that has built up into this incredible atmosphere of support and and curiosity and kind of goofiness too.

The Moan And Groan Ritual

SPEAKER_06 8:37

One of the things that you do to open it is that you have this collective moaning time, not what it you think it would be when I say collective moaning time, not that not that kind of show. But first of all, describe what that is and then how does that come about?

SPEAKER_02 8:52

I'm I'm glad you brought that up, actually, because I think that's another part that leads to the safety element. Uh so yeah, we start every show and tell with a moan and groan. And the moan and groan is something that I learned from one of my students uh who would have this each time we would get together, he'd be anxious and you know, would have that classic uh demand avoidance of like, I don't want to do school right now, I don't want to, you know, whatever it is, and he'd be really upset. This sounds like Winthrop, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

We should just let him moan and groan first.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Totally. I mean, well, and that's what he would do. He would he would he I could tell that he felt bad or felt foolish, kind of and we figured out together that, like, actually, this feels really good. You know, it's nice to let out that that tension. So um, we started doing it at the beginning of every tutoring. We'd say, Okay, let's think about what's making us angry right now, let's think about what is bothering us, and then we'd get there, and then we'd we would really be obnoxious with it, and it we would always end up laughing and we'd always end up feeling better. And so the first show and tell, I can remember being really nervous. And uh, I don't think we did it the first episode, actually. I I just remember being really nervous, and and it everything went well and everything, but the next time we had one, I I had this lesson with my student, and I thought, this can this can help everybody. And so what we do is I tell the audience, you know, let's take a moment of silence and try to allow our stressors to find us, because in our society, we're taught to stuff them down, you know, we're supposed to stiff upper lip, you know, power through, be tough, you know, all that stuff, um, which is a complete misdirection because being tough isn't stuffing down things, being tough means facing them, um, and honoring the the pain and the struggle that we've got. So I would tell the audience, let's close our eyes, let's have a moment of silence, let the anxiety find you, and when it finds you, instead of pushing it away, squeeze it, you know, hold on to it, really let it kind of take over, do the opposite of what you're, you know, normally gonna do. And then we count down from three, and when we get down to one, we all together just let out the most obnoxious moaning and groaning we can. Um people stomp their feet, people pound on the tables, people put their hands up in the air and scream. And yeah, and then when we get done, you can I can feel it in the room. There is like a release and everyone's kind of relaxed, and we've all been ridiculous together already. And so now we can move on.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

I was so my um my experience, I've only been to one show and tell because the last one I was traveling, so I was really sad to miss it. But um, my experience with that was oh gosh, I feel like this is gonna feel really, really silly. Like I'm you know, like you're poised for it, but because it's happening as a collective, right? It it doesn't, or and it, yeah, it's really incredibly powerful.

Sitting With Discomfort And Processing

SPEAKER_06 11:59

I agree. So it's so interesting. The last one you missed, I was there was a point where I was very uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_05 12:05

Were you?

SPEAKER_06 12:05

Yeah, because someone got up and was talking about um polyamory. Oh yeah, and not in my tradition, not anything I'm familiar with. And I was sitting right in the front row and I was uncomfortable, but I was like, okay, what I'm gonna do with that, and and it was just very interesting. You know, I I opened myself up to not to polyamory. Okay, I'm I'm fine. I'm not gonna say, and the other reason why Colin is here is because um, but you know, I I appreciated being in a place where I could be uncomfortable, and I felt that it was okay for me to be uncomfortable and even to show that I was a little uncomfortable. Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

And it gives you the space to maybe like push on that a little bit, like why I am more uncomfortable in that.

SPEAKER_06 12:49

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Well, one of the things that you do is that in between the stories, you will have reflections on that. You uh it's very good because you help the audience process, right? That's that's how I interpret what you're doing. You give reflections on what is said, you maybe add to it, and then you bridge to maybe what the next direction that we might go, and and I love that. Um, have you ever been so taken aback by a story that you didn't know what to say?

Silence, Quakers, And Letting Messages Land

SPEAKER_02 13:15

Definitely, yeah. I mean, uh, and that's one of my rules for myself at Show and Tell is that I'm I'm not allowed to force anything. Um, I'm only allowed to share something that I'm actually feeling or thinking. Um, I've I've unintentionally broken that rule before when I have an agenda and where I I hope we get somewhere, and so I'm trying to steer the ship, but it always blows up in my face. And I'm at some point in the show, I'll realize like, oh, I'm doing the thing. I'm doing I'm breaking my rule. And so yeah, there have been times where somebody will uh tell a story. I'm trying to I wish I could think of a good example, right? Oh, well, there yeah, there was a time where I you know the spirit of the show of show and tell is that I want people wherever they're at to share, you know, and and that means being open to a lot of different things and not being able to predict. We had somebody who I could tell as soon as they got started that they wanted they were looking for an audience to perform for. Um, and you know, I could tell maybe they've had opportunities in small settings with like a couple of people at a table to do their impressions. They were doing voices and impressions. And and so uh this person went up and proceeded to kind of do a stand-up bit of all the and was asking the audience, like, give me somebody to do. Tell me, I'll do you know, Mel Gibson, I'll do what you know, who I don't know if that's the person that he said. That would be a weird impression, but um just get up and be anti-Semitic for a few minutes. Yeah. Um, but about you know, by the time he was finished, I just remember thinking like I've got nothing to say right now, I've except like, wow. And that's that's the only thing I allowed myself to say. Sort of like, wow, okay, that was amazing, you know, way to go. And there have definitely been times where I just go up to the mic and say, you know, nothing I can say right now is going to help with what's what just happened. So who's got something else? You know? And sitting in that silence sometimes is really difficult. That's something that Natalie Nix did really well when she hosted the conch. She would say, like, all right, who who wants to tell another story? And we might be sitting there for a full minute of silence. And she would just sit and kind of add the smile on her face, content, and I'd be like, somebody please go.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

Wait time is hard.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Yeah, it's hard.

SPEAKER_03 15:39

So we do this thing um at work, and it's funny because coming from the education space, I'm sure you're familiar with opening moves because like people either love them or hate them when you start, you know, a staff meeting or whatever. But there's one called connections.

SPEAKER_06 15:54

Can you explain opening moves to people who aren't familiar with?

SPEAKER_03 15:56

Okay, so an opening move would be we're all gonna be in this room together, we're gonna start either a training, a facilitation, a meeting, but it's meant to kind of ground everybody together, right? Like moaning and groaning would be an opening move, I would say. It's like it's a way of getting started. But we do one called connections. Are you familiar with connections? Sounds familiar. Connections is a space for anybody to share. It is not a space to respond. It is not a space to ask questions. It is just you open and then and you start it with connections are open. And then it you can sit in silence for three minutes, two minutes, one minute, 30 seconds. It just depends on when somebody decides to share. And it can be anything that is that they're coming to the space with. Um, and then you could, I mean, you could probably say something and I could say, you know, adding on to what Colin said, I'm feeling this or I'm thinking this. Right. But it can get really uncomfortable because I've been in connection spaces where no one's talked for five minutes. Yeah. And it's it's a it's a really hard space to sit in, but really kind of important. And then the more you do it, the more comfortable you get with it. But it's really um it's incredibly powerful, though, to to watch it start to like waterfall like once people start doing it.

Spiritual Hunger Without Religion

SPEAKER_02 17:07

So that reminds me of uh uh the structure of uh Quaker meetings. Are you familiar with that? It's um it's a really wonderful thing that I learned about from my old roommate uh Bri Blackmore and uh my friend Haley Hillman. Uh at Quaker meetings. Do you just know people whose names are alliterations? Uh mostly. I I try to you guys are the exception. Yeah. Um but at Quaker meetings, uh they'll I don't think I don't know if this is all the time, but at certain Quaker meetings, or maybe all of them, they get together, they congregate, they sit, but there's nobody leads the meeting. You sit in silence and you wait for inspiration. Like, and if you are struck with a message to give to the group that feels so important that you simply cannot go on without saying it, you stand up and you say the thing. And it might be a complete non-sequitur, it might have nothing to do with anything that's going on, but you stand up, you give your message, and you sit back down, and it goes back to silence. And there's nobody there to prompt, there's nobody there to push. And sometimes the Quaker meeting, you go the whole hour or half hour, I can't remember how long. You go the whole time and nobody speaks. It's just the silence. And I and when I learned about that, I I wanted to incorporate that as much as I could into show and tell, where um, you know, I do want to transition from story to story, but I also want to leave that opening for people who maybe somebody just came into the bull, they don't know what's going on, they just see some weird dude up there on a microphone screaming, and then halfway through, something that somebody talks about springs some sort of message for them, and all of a sudden they stand up and they say, Well, I don't know what's going on here, but I want to say this, and that that's the best to me. That that feels um celestial, you know, it feels very important.

SPEAKER_06 19:00

See, it's interesting that you're bringing that language into it because one of the reasons why I'm drawn to this event is I'm missing that space to consider the spiritual, to consider things larger than myself in a group of people. Because I grew up in the church, and Amanda did as well, and we don't go anymore for reasons, but there are a lot of aspects of that that we miss. Yeah. Like I'm telling you right now, Colin, you do such a good job it with these show and tell. If you start a cult, I would join it. I would I would be first in line. I give me my robes, you know, here are my shoes, burn them, whatever. The event is larger than what it is, and I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

I I it gives to me as much as I think as anyone else, you know, it it really is. Um, I think it's spiritual too. And and I grew up Catholic, and um I'm not now, um, right? Uh, but there is uh that I didn't have that connection to uh I didn't miss the Catholic Church. Um, but what I did miss was you know, I uh in high school I kind of joined in with young life for a little while, and um, and I remember thinking like, oh, this is what faith can be like. Like people can be having fun and like nice to each other for the most part. There was definitely some not nice things happening too, but um, and so I I pulled away from that, but I remember thinking like this feels really good. Playing music is similar to that. We're all in a room together and we're here for the same purpose, and the amount that each side puts into it only, you know, increases the enjoyment and the spiritual connection, you know, more and more and more. And so the classroom felt like that when when kids would actually feel comfortable to share vulnerabilities and things like that, magic moments there, and so yeah, show and tell is meant to be that as well. I I've had I had somebody come up to me once, they they came to their first show and tell, and afterward, uh, you know, people were congregating talking. I went outside and she was standing by herself, and she was, I could tell that she had tears in her eyes or on her cheeks. And and I went up to her and I said, Are you are you doing okay? Are you all right? And she looked at me very suspiciously and she said, What are you doing? And and I said, Like, right now, like I'm just checking on you, want to make sure you're okay. And she was like, No, no, no, I mean in there, like, is this religious? Is it do you have like a religion that is behind this? And I said, Absolutely not. No, I mean you couldn't be farther from the truth, absolutely not. And she goes, Well, and she this is when I found out that she had been raised in a in an in you know, intensely religious community, and she was having like a negative reaction because she was kind of having flashbacks to this like communal feeling, and she couldn't separate the good feeling from like the scary feeling, and that really was. Important for me to hear to think like, okay, people might be I can't tell what people are experiencing through this. Um, and those wounds are deep in people.

Themes, Change, And Extending Ourselves

SPEAKER_06 22:10

And that's why I see the the thing that you're doing as being at least for us, at least for me, is being healing because of that. Thanks. Because you know, I'm recognizing the positives and I'm getting those with none of the negatives. So I I love that.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

So when is your next show and tell? Uh it's the second Tuesday of every month. So I should know this off the top of my head. But uh I didn't know it was a second Tuesday, that's great. Yeah, uh so it the next one's March 10th, and then the one after that will be April 14th, and then May 12th. So you keep going the rest of the year, yeah. Oh, the rest of the year.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

Every the every second Tuesday.

SPEAKER_02 22:48

Actually, I think May 12th is the last one for a couple months. So then yeah, so there we go. I did get there.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

How um how far in advance do you come up with the themes?

SPEAKER_02 22:56

Usually it's the week of.

SPEAKER_03 22:57

Oh, yeah. Do you wait to be moved by something? Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

Yeah. So it that's I mean, for me, uh show and tell uh is highly spiritual for me. It's not it's not pointed in any particular direction, but um, what I found is that I I feel like my job is to provide the time and the space and to just pay attention, right? And to listen. And so when it comes to themes, I try to avoid obvious ones like in February.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

You didn't do love.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Yeah, I didn't want to do like Valentine's Day or something like that. But things that come up for me in the weeks leading up to it almost always surface before, like about a week before, and I'll think, this is actually something I've been thinking about a lot, you know, and um and sometimes it aligns. Like in February, we didn't do love, but we did change. And one of the quotes that helped me kind of solidify, like this is where I'm going, is uh a quote that uh Laurel Nesbitt uh told me from um a Bell Hooks book, and it was love is the I'm gonna butcher this though, uh, but love is the amount we are willing to extend ourselves for our own or another's spiritual growth. Right. And so that extending oneself theme really struck me where I was at, and it was immediate. I was talking when Laurel said it to me, I was like, Oh, okay, you just gave it to me today. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

You know, love bell hooks, love Laurel. Yeah, so both fabulous.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

And that quote is from somebody else, uh last name Scott, but I can't remember who it is right now. But Bell Hooks quoted the quote.

Perimenopause, Community, And Naming The Hard

SPEAKER_03 24:34

Quoted the quote. Yeah. I um I kind of jokingly said the last time when I was there that we need to have a perimenopause show and tell. Um, now I'm thinking we just need a moan and groan. And I think it just needs to be like a room full of, and you were like, well, I can't lead that one. I'm like, no, I get that. But it's because two other people had gotten up to share before that and mentioned perimenopause brain, and then the women around me started commenting on it. And it's interesting because I'm we're in this like Gen Zen X millennial space where women now are talking about it and finding community and um in like experiencing this thing together where I think that our mother's generations were like lock it down, we don't talk about it, like it's very and um it was interesting because I was talking to friend Kate and um not gonna tell the whole story because it's her story to tell, but she was, you know, talking to um her therapist, which that's okay to say because everybody should have a therapist, but about um her therapist was actually telling her to get on social media a defined community for perimenopause, like where most people are telling you like interesting, get off social media and like connect with real people. But her point was like there is a movement, and you know, you you you all need support. So yeah, I don't know, maybe a moan and groan, I'm not sure, but I definitely think there's a space for all of us who are experiencing all such weird stuff. Like, who knew frozen shoulder was a hormonal response? That's the thing we get. You guys don't know this.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

So I didn't know that. Yep, no, I just had to repeat frozen shoulder in my head to make sure I heard you right.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

Frozen shoulder is a hormonal symptom from perimetopause.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

Is that different than when you give me the cold shoulder?

SPEAKER_06 26:10

Yes, it's okay, very good. But it's the lead up.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Do you like to practice now though?

SPEAKER_06 26:13

Yeah, yeah. Just warn me when you're having this one about.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

I mean that it's not something that is happening to me and you just happen to be near it. But yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:27

I encourage everyone within the sound of my voice who's also within driving or perhaps even flying distance of Gainesville second Tuesday of every month. Um, come come to the uh show and tell and bring a story or two.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Yeah, come to the bull. It's uh I mean come to the bowl any night, really. Yes, but uh especially the second Tuesday of every month.

Invite To The Bull And Monthly Details

SPEAKER_06 26:54

It's time to play. What the fuck is John saying? Yes, that's right. John Watson is our Scottish friend, and he kindly sends us Scottish phrases and words for us to interpret. Colin, are you ready to play? I absolutely not. Let's do that. This is a more than ever, no, I think that this will be uh an easier one. Or I understand 100% John's particular brand of Scottish. He sent the audio, and then he says also send a text. And I said, you know what, John? I understood that one. No text needed. Oh, okay. So maybe this is an easy one. So maybe this is easy. So ready, and folks, you can play along at home. What the fuck is John saying here?

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Here's one for you. What's for you, Onugo by ye? Nope.

SPEAKER_06 27:37

Yeah, you're gonna have to do it again. I'll play it again. Folks, listen up. You may have gotten them, John. Ready? Here you go.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

What's for ye oh no go baye. So that's what's for you, onugobaye.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

How is that easy to you?

SPEAKER_00 27:50

What's funny?

SPEAKER_06 27:54

I just want to say he says, here's one for you. Right. Here's one for you. We we we have that. I knew that. I knew that was a thing. Alright, one more time. Here, here's John.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

What's for you, onugobaye?

SPEAKER_03 28:05

What's forgi onobaye is what I heard.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Uh-huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

Is that what you heard?

SPEAKER_02 28:09

I I thought maybe it was what's funny, but uh onugu baye.

What The Fuck Is John Saying

SPEAKER_06 28:14

Yeah, I don't know. Okay. I'm a little shocked. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna play his whole explanation here. Uh usually we go from week to week, but since Colin's here, I want him to have the payoff. This is what John actually says.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

What's for you will no go by you. So that's what what's for you will no go by you. It just means whatever's meant to happen will happen. There's no getting away with it. It's fate. It's final destination stuff, so that's what's for you will no go by you.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

What's for you will not go by you.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Yep, there you go. Oh what's for you will not go by you.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

I mean, I like the sentiment, but that's not what he said. No, it's he said absolutely no go go by ye is what he says. No go by you.

SPEAKER_06 28:56

What's for you will no go by you. All right. So thank you, Colin, for playing along with us. John, thank you very much. Listen to John's podcast with our friend Planty, 100 Things I Learned from Film. In a world where science keeps pushing the boundaries, we've just crossed the tastiest one yet. Introducing Chizard, the incredible chicken lizard hybrid brought to you by Cutting Edge Science and a dash of backyard brilliance. Thanks to years of research, Chizard is more than just your lovable backyard companion. It's now your new favorite dinner. Need a wing or a leg for tonight's meal? No problem. Just trim it off, toss it on the grill, and watch your meal grow back in no time. It's science with a side of mashed potatoes. That's right, Chizard is the only pet that regenerates, meaning no more tough choices between your beloved buddy and your barbecue cravings. Mom, Chizard just grew back another leg. Can we have drumsticks tonight? With Chizard, it's a renewable source of deliciousness right from your backyard. No grocery runs, no guilt. Just fresh, science-approved regenerative meal. Adopt your Chizard today and taste the future of food. It's love at first bite.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

Welcome back to the conversation. Tell me who I'm talking to. You want me and I am you.

SPEAKER_03 31:20

Oh goodness, goodness, goodness. Okay, well, I I have a thing that somebody said this week, but it's I can understand it. So occasionally I will write down things that Winthrop, the nine-year-old, says when I'm driving with him. Uh because like so recently I asked he, I was asking him about school and he didn't want to talk about school because that's he's like, I've done school all day long. I don't want to talk about school.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

That's how I used to feel too.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Yeah. And um, so then I said, Well, I'm just trying to talk to you and like let's talk about something. He goes, Fine, let's talk about um creating a budget and financial planning.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

And I was like, uh so basically what he did was shut me down because he knew I didn't want to talk about that, but this is my nine-year-old. So so I I had him in the car the other day, and we're at this space where it's hit or miss with my music because he wants to listen to his playlists, which are like gaming, like soundtracks and stuff. Uh, so I was listening to Train the other Marry Me the other day, and he goes, What is this? And I said, It's it's a song. He was like, Can you please turn this off? Like he was so judging of my like whatever. But then another song came on, it's Patrick Baker's um Go With You or Yeah, Honey, no, Honey Go With Me. And in it, he's talking about like, I'll follow you through green grass and Heather. And in I he started laughing, and I said, Well, Heather is, he's like, No, I know what Heather is. He was like, But aren't you not supposed to follow someone? And I was like, What? And then he goes, Okay, so I wrote it down. Aren't you not supposed to follow someone? I mean, you can follow in their footsteps, but not their personality. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 32:54

Oh. What? Wow.

SPEAKER_03 32:56

So basically he was trying to talk about not being somebody that you are not.

SPEAKER_06 33:00

Right. I thought that that he was trying to tell you you shouldn't stalk someone. Yeah, that's what I thought too. But it's just saying that you should you should be a non-conformist.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

But you can he's like, you could f and he said those words, you can follow in someone's footsteps, but not their personality, which is a lot for a nine-year-old in my life. But then then I started getting really like philosophical about what does it mean to follow in someone's footsteps but not copy who they were.

SPEAKER_02 33:27

Right.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

Anyway, this is what I brought you from this week.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

Yeah, that's uh because a lot of times the following in someone's footsteps does include personality, you know, like when people use that phrase. Um and so making the delineation between the two, like, yeah, I can do the things that you do, but stay me.

unknown 33:44

Yeah. Yeah.

Festhole Confessions And Comic Relief

SPEAKER_02 33:45

We're we're not ready for this kid. Sure you are. Nothing if it's not for you. That's right, it'll go by you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

He showed up here.

SPEAKER_06 34:05

All right. Now we're gonna smoothly transition to my favorite segment. Fest holes.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

Oh. Fest holes.

SPEAKER_06 34:13

Are you familiar with fest holes? No. Fest holes is my favorite social media account where people just give anonymous confessions. And so I like to read them and kind of see if if you know it's something that resonates with us.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

This might be triggering for your Catholicism. Sure. Bring it.

SPEAKER_06 34:29

I think that all of them are are pretty fun. So here we go. Spent a good two hours wandering around my house one evening trying to locate the intermittent weird whistling noise. Turned out it was my left nostril. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

You would do this. This is why you find this funny.

SPEAKER_06 34:44

I mean, I my left nostril has made a whistling noise every now and again. I can't do it to any sort of tune, though, which that would be a talent that I could take to a show. So there you go. Listen, you talk about change. This this uh the show and tell that you did. I I did my little thing on how like my body is changing in ways that are very upsetting. Yeah, very upsetting. Did you share that poem on the podcast yet? I don't remember if I have or not. I think you should. Yeah, I might. I might one of these days. Yeah, it's about getting old. Yeah, about losing things. I loved that. Lost my eyeglasses, lost my hair, losing my will to live, but I don't care. Except it was it was a little bit more lyrical than that. All right, next one. Wife set the smart bulb in our room to turn on off when someone claps. You can probably guess what happens when we had sex.

SPEAKER_03 35:38

But why is she recreating the clapper? Like, just tell it to turn off.

SPEAKER_06 35:42

That would turn me off if all of a sudden it was a light show there. People would think that you're having a rave.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 35:51

From outside.

SPEAKER_03 35:52

She just needs to put like a black light or some kind of bulb in it that's more interesting.

SPEAKER_06 35:55

All right, next. Recently bought a smoothie maker, been really getting into it, experimenting with mixes, been eating a lot of fruit, just done the best shit I've ever done in years. Fully formed, no straining, didn't touch the sides, no wiping. Thought I'd tell the internet.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Why do we need to know this?

SPEAKER_06 36:12

Listen, it's an anonymous confession. And it's a win, too.

unknown 36:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Good job.

SPEAKER_06 36:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

But then you don't have people. I guess people can comment saying good job. I was like, but then you don't get the validation, but I guess you do.

SPEAKER_06 36:23

How much validation are you desperate for if you need a validation on your shit?

SPEAKER_03 36:27

Well, apparently a lot, because went to Fess Hole to talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Here's the thing: no pictures didn't happen.

SPEAKER_03 36:32

Thank you. No, I don't want the pictures. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

Is that where you stand on poo? Like we can talk about it, but no pictures.

SPEAKER_03 36:39

I don't want the pictures. I'm good.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

My sister and I have an agreement that if we ever poo any letters or fun shapes, then it's okay to take a picture and send them.

SPEAKER_03 36:48

Have there been pictures exchanged?

SPEAKER_02 36:49

Well, I hope that that is excluding the lowercase L.

unknown 36:53

Right.

SPEAKER_02 36:54

Sorry, you said I could do this. No, it's an I. There's the dot.

SPEAKER_05 36:58

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

I feel like uh no, I I don't think we've actually ever sent a picture. Um, although I almost did because I got pretty close to an uppercase Q, which I thought was pretty impressive. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:11

That is quite the relationship to have with your sibling. Yeah. Good. What do you mean pretty close to? I don't know. We don't need to.

SPEAKER_06 37:18

I'll tell you later. I'll show you the picture.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

Visuals, yes.

SPEAKER_06 37:23

My only comment is I don't care who you are and how quickly it goes, like it achieves terminal velocity going out, you still have to wipe. Um last one.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

Wait, did that confession say that he didn't have to wipe it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 37:36

Fully formed, which fully formed, by the way. Um no straining, didn't touch the sides, no wiping. No wiping.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

No, that's not okay with me.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

No, that's a yeah, that's a how do you even know that you don't need to wipe unless you wipe? Yeah, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_06 37:53

Um, last one. Dump my girlfriend when I saw she had an ongoing one-sided DM session with Harry Styles Instagram. She was using it like a diary.

SPEAKER_03 38:04

Um that's sad.

SPEAKER_06 38:06

No, I think that's cute.

SPEAKER_03 38:08

That she was just like, dear Harry.

SPEAKER_06 38:10

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:11

But no, it's sad that he why did he break up with her about that?

SPEAKER_06 38:13

Well, he was jealous.

SPEAKER_03 38:15

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 38:15

He's not, he is so far away from polyamory, that guy.

SPEAKER_03 38:18

So he's like, you should be telling me all of your thoughts, not Harry Styles as such as a big thing.

SPEAKER_06 38:22

But I was thinking about it. It's like it's like having a a picture in your living room that you talk to. Yeah. Like I we've got the the lovely painting of Evan McIntyre there on the wall.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

He just showed up like a month ago.

Recommendations Round: Drinks, Food, Markets

SPEAKER_06 38:35

Yes. Uh friend from long ago who moved out of Gainesville. I could talk to that pic Evan will never hear me talking to that picture. Um, but it makes me feel good to talk to. That's what's happening here. It's this it's making this this girl feel good to talk to Harry, even though she knows Harry or his team will never see it.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

Do we think that she knows that? Or do we think that she's just like, if I keep being really persistent, eventually someone will listen? I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad by your story.

SPEAKER_06 39:03

Does it matter?

SPEAKER_03 39:04

So this is a departure, but pictures in living rooms. Did I ever tell you that? So my mom got really into God, what was that Robert Redford movie, The Horse Whisperer?

SPEAKER_05 39:12

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:13

Like she and my aunt went to see it so many times, and then my mom took down all of the family photos in the living room and hallway and replaced them with pi like just still pictures of Robert Redford to see if my dad would notice, and he never did.

SPEAKER_06 39:26

Oh. You remember that time that I put googly eyes on the pictures of you to see if you would notice?

SPEAKER_03 39:32

Because you were mad at me.

SPEAKER_06 39:33

Yes. We had an argument.

SPEAKER_03 39:36

This was like five or six years ago. We had an argument. I don't know what it was about, but I left the house and I came back, and Josh had taken a packet of googly eyes and put them on all the pictures of me in the house. It was like his like non-aggressive way of being like getting back at me.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

That is some of the healthiest communication I've ever heard of.

SPEAKER_03 39:55

No one likes to be told what to do.

SPEAKER_06 39:57

And now's the time in the program where we tell you what to do, Amanda. What should we do?

SPEAKER_03 40:01

So I'm gonna recommend these drinks called trip, and that makes it sound like they have um THC in them, but they don't. It's magnesium, Lin, or however we say that, and like Ashwagon and Lion's mane and all these, like this herbal thing. I get them at Whole Foods, um, but I've replaced um having wine at the house with this, and it is a much healthier way of just chilling out at night. And so in my attempts to, I'm working with a nutritionist and to get myself back into uh a healthier place physically. I'm I'm gonna recommend these trip drinks, and they they've got calm, like the calm app branding on them because you I guess it's a collab, everybody collabs these days. But um so what I'm gonna recommend if you're looking to replace your alcohol and I it's been a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 40:49

Cool. Colin, do you have any recommendations? Yeah, when you first said it, I thought, oh my gosh, I have nothing, and now I have like three.

SPEAKER_03 40:56

Um you may give three because you are a guest.

SPEAKER_02 40:58

Oh, okay, okay. Um I was gonna recommend I immediately think about food because um food driven. So um Audrey and I now have been lucky enough to go to the Dunbar twice for dinner.

SPEAKER_03 41:11

We were talking about last night we wanted to go, but I assume we need rec uh reservations.

Colin’s Podcast And Archiving Real Life

SPEAKER_02 41:14

I think you do. Totally worth it. Unbelievable. I mean, just I can't say enough. The food is incredible, the staff is really polite, kind. I polite's not the word I'm looking for, actually, at all. I mean, they are polite, but they're just kind and fun to be around. Drinks are fantastic, the atmosphere is fantastic. I love their mission. Um, just I couldn't say more about them. So love the Dunbar. I also um immediately thought of my favorite spots that I go to at the Monday Farmers Market at Cypress and Grove. I love um Lore House Bakery. The bread there is incredible. Um, and Nicoia Farms for my veggies, their veggies are fantastic. And I've also you can volunteer at Nakoya Farms uh on, I think it's like Wednesdays or Thursdays, and it's really fun, and they let you go home with an arm full of vegetables and stuff like that, which is really neat. Um and oh, and you guys were talking about bagels. There's a a stand there called Bagel Corp, and this lady makes homemade bagels, and she's hilarious, and she's really nice, and kids get bagels for free.

SPEAKER_03 42:23

Oh, how lovely. Yeah, I only need to go check out. So my office does the Monday Cypress and Grove um farmers market on Mondays, is like the people leave and go over there after work. I've not done it yet because I've been traveling, but I need to go meet the bagel lady because I need to know because we have a sesame allergy in the house, a lot of bread now just lists sesame even if it's not an ingredient because I've shared whatever. And I just I want to check because we um that's the one thing that Muffy misses the most is bagels. Yeah. So thank you. That's great.

SPEAKER_06 42:55

My recommendation is Colin's podcast. Colin, what is your podcast all about?

SPEAKER_02 43:00

Uh my podcast, the the title is Here for the Moment. We just started season two, uh, and we've changed our name. Uh the the name for season one was Find a Way. And uh and the the basic idea behind it, the reason why I started it was I I I catch myself all the time in this community. One of the reasons why I did show and tell as well, realizing like, wow, we really have a special thing here in Gainesville. It's really and I've had people from out of town comment on it. We have friends who've moved to New York City, to other big, you know, Austin, Seattle, all this stuff. They all talk about how Gainesville's got this special thing that is really hard to find other places. And I'd be having conversations with people like you two, and I think, oh my God, this is this is important enough to be heard by other people. We don't have to, we're not celebrities, but we have important, deep conversations, and I think they should be heard. And I also have this. Thing personally, where I have this picture in my head of me when I'm like 80 years old. And I think I think of my grandfather actually when he was in his 70s, his favorite thing to do after he was done being cool and funny and all that stuff, he would go into his room, put on his headphones and listen to records because he wasn't into what was on TV so much anymore, wasn't into like the new music or anything like that, but he'd love to go and listen to his records. And I picture myself kind of doing the same thing when TV shows aren't being made for me anymore, movies aren't being made for me anymore, and I know for sure that I'm going to love going back and listening to these conversations that I had with people. And so I always tell my guests on the show I my foremost goal here is to just record us talking and have it and have an archive of it. And if you decide afterward that you don't want this out, that's it's not going to disappoint me. That's fine with me because I've got the thing that I really want. But it kind of helps me justify having people come into my little office and recording for an hour or two. Uh, I can say, like, oh well, I've got this podcast, but really I've just got this archive.

SPEAKER_03 45:10

I know I've got this captive, captive conversational partner.

SPEAKER_06 45:13

Yeah, we've got like almost six years now of this podcast that that I I still go back and I listen. You do.

SPEAKER_03 45:18

I don't ever listen to any of the old things, but uh I keep thinking like this is a great thing for our kids to have someday, right? Like although they'll be mortified at most of the things we talk about.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

But you know what I love though? Something that really shifted me in my life was when my grandfather passed away. I had this moment where I desperately was hoping that he had a journal that I could find and read. And like, because at his at his funeral, I had this moment where I realized, like, all these people here know this person in a way that I don't. And I only got this like, I'm your grandfather, so this is who you get to see me as. And suddenly I thought, this person I love so much, I don't know. Um, and I really think it's important for family members to get, you know, to see as much of the authentic you as possible.

SPEAKER_05 46:06

That's totally interesting.

SPEAKER_02 46:07

Just so, and even if even it's the reason why I keep a journal, and then probably also the reason why I love recording conversations and things like that, is even the stuff that's ugly, like I want if I have kids and grandkids and things like that, or friends, um, I want them to see how wrong I ru was at times and how and how many mistakes I made and things like that. So this whole like perfect image that we present, you know, or some people present, I've done a pretty good job not doing that, but um, but I I want to dispel that as as often as possible.

Vulnerability, Masculinity, And Modeling Softness

SPEAKER_03 46:38

It's like a fully formed human, like a like a whole rounded human.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:43

What better way to like teach and inspire than to be vulnerable and and yeah, and incredibly important because especially now I I worry about and and Muffy and I talk about um Winthrop a lot, but I really worry about what has become the example of masculinity in our country for young men. Yeah. And um that's that's especially concerning. So the more that we can see grown men leading in spaces where vulnerability is okay and discomfort is okay, and you know that that being soft isn't a weakness, um, is is incredibly important.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

Not only is it not a weakness, I think it is the epitome of strength. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_06 47:23

All right, we will um make sure to keep recording our conversations then. Okay. Good. All of them?

SPEAKER_03 47:29

Yeah, even when I have to count foods and vegetables at night.

SPEAKER_06 47:32

God, if we'd have just fucking recorded that, that's an episode right there.

SPEAKER_02 47:35

Oh my god, that is an episode. Do you think you could hit 20 in 15 seconds? 20 what? 20 foods.

SPEAKER_06 47:44

Uh no, I'm not your performing monkey. Put your phone down.

SPEAKER_02 47:48

Just saying.

SPEAKER_06 47:48

The timer started. No, no, no. What do you mean the timer has started? Tomatoes, salad, monkey bread. Four, uh, uh ladies' fingers, uh, bread, uh, friends of the library. I don't know, dude. Not I'm not good under pressure. Get out of here. Sorry. All right, wonderful. I'm editing that shit out. All right, Colin and Amanda, that's all there is. There is no more. What do you think of that mess? I love that.

SPEAKER_03 48:25

I'm just happy somebody else is here to answer that question because you asked me every time. I'm like, I liked it. I don't, it was great, it was better than cats. I don't know what to say every time.

SPEAKER_02 48:34

You can say that to a lot of things. Thank you both so much. This was a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_03 48:38

Thank you for coming over.

SPEAKER_02 48:40

We will have to do it again on yours.

SPEAKER_06 48:42

Yes, please. All right, today's episode was recorded in a tower guarded by a grumpy, flatulent dragon who is a sucker for bean pies.

SPEAKER_05 48:50

Nope, don't like any of it.

SPEAKER_06 48:52

Much thanks, as always, to the people without whom we could not record this episode or any episode. We have Antonio, the executive peasant, who traded three magic beans for a cheap Bluetooth speaker. Josh Scar, the court jester, who spun straw into gold yet can't make a simple crocheted scarf for protection against the bitter winter wind.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

Josh needs it. They've had blizzards.

SPEAKER_06 49:15

They have. He's in Ohio.

SPEAKER_03 49:16

He's in Illinois.

Playful Close And Producer Shoutouts

SPEAKER_06 49:17

Illinois, yeah, yeah. Um Leo's in Ohio. Thanks to Daniel J. Buckets, the keeper of the bottomless porridge pot, to Chicken Tom, who will never stop clucking in our hearts, to Matt, our blacksmith, forging swords and shoes since 1587. To Monique from Germany, the sorceress of precision, who organized the woodland creatures according to alphabetical, to Joey, Joey, to Leo, the mysterious cloaked archer who never misses dinner, to refined gay Jeff, the enchanted Duke of Tasteful Opinions, to Ryan Baker, the preparer of suspicious. Suspicious pies. To Mark and Rachel, the kindly innkeepers, and Dan and Gavin, the traveling twin bards, who harmonize ominously. Special thanks to Chris Barron of the Spin Doctors for our theme song, to John Watson of 100 Things I Learned from Film for whatever it is he had to say to us, and to Ricky Kendall for our interstitial music.

SPEAKER_03 50:19

Thanks, friends.

SPEAKER_06 50:20

Thank you, friends. Thank you, friends. So until next week, you all take it easy. Check out Colin's podcast. Go into our back catalog. Like I said, almost six years of absolute utter rubbish that you will enjoy.

SPEAKER_03 50:32

And go be kind.

SPEAKER_06 50:33

Bye.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

Bye.

Original Poem On Aging And Choice

SPEAKER_06 50:34

Bye. Man, it ain't fair. Lost the plot and lost the thread. Lost the words inside my head. Lost the spring within my step. Lost the promises that I kept. Lost my way up concrete stairs. Lost the strength to even care. Lost my riz. Lost my flex. Lost circumference from my pecs. Lost the urge to stay up late. Lost the need to celebrate. Lost my tight jeans situation. Lost my youthful reputation. Now I can't even wear them clothes that made me look like one of those cool alt rockers on the scene. Back when every day was green, and possibilities were probable. Before my fight vs fat turned hostile. Lost the nerve to jump the cue. Lost the right to jump it to. Lost that look that used to say I'm going places anyway. Lost the swagger in the sway. Lost that certain genesse qua. Lost the art of walking straight after drinking way too late. Lost the bounce back superpower. Now I need half a day per hour. Miss the bars that used to be. Miss the rounds I used to see. Miss the locals and their tales. Lost to time and age wholesale. Lost my old address book pages, gone to technological ages. Lost the numbers memorized when phones were dumb and brains were prized. Lost the need to make the scene. Lost the rage against machines. Lost the urge to break the rules. Lost my bucket of cheap tools. Lost the will to fix stuff up. Lost the point of keeping up with every latest thing they make when everything's about to break. Lost the thread of this here verse. Lost my way in getting worse. Lost pretending getting old is something that can be controlled. But here's the science of lost things. They leave behind their echoing in muscles that remember moves, and shoes recalling funky grooves, and records scratched up yesterday, and paper photos faded gray, and stories you still can tell about when you were raising hell. So maybe what we're losing most is just the need to be that ghost of who we thought we ought to be instead of who we've come to see in mirrors that will lie no more about what time has in store for all of us who dare to last beyond our glory days long past. And that's the truth of getting old. It's not the story you were told, it's not about the things you lose, but what it is you finally choose to keep in that beat up leather case carried at a slower pace.