Parenting Through Soccer Trials and Troubles

This week on Super Familiar with the Wilsons, we record in the wild (nature: loud, unpredictable, vaguely threatening) and spiral into a conversation that includes, but is not limited to, youth sports, parenting philosophy, public behavior, small plastic instruments, and the general question of how any of us became adults.

Somewhere in here a child learns something important about the human condition.

We also explore parenting and resilience (how much is enough, how much is too much, and who decides?), marriage dynamics in real time (a live demonstration, no rehearsal, minimal supervision), The sociology of public spaces (featuring license plates)

If you’ve ever wondered how kids become functional humans, questioned your reactions while you’re having them or found yourself thinking, “This feels like a metaphor, but I don’t know for what”…you’re in the right place.

🎧 Super Familiar with the Wilsons: a podcast about marriage 2.0, parenting, relationships, and all the side quests, told in real time, slightly off-center, and with just enough self awareness to make it interesting.

Go outside. Or don’t. We tried it. Results are mixed.

Super Familiar with The Wilsons 
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Contact us! familiarwilsons@gmail.com

A Familiar Wilsons Production

Transcript

Eyebrows And Recording Outdoors

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome back to the conversation. You don't go to conversation. I want to be don't be strange.

Amanda 0:41

Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons. I'm Amanda.

Josh 0:44

And I'm Josh. And Amanda, why, as we're sitting here outside, we're actually recording outside. Why are you uh haranguing me, accosting me about my eyebrows?

Amanda 0:54

Because they've decided to become sentient and they're leaving your face, and there's one standing straight up that I just need it. My God, you could just keep angering it. I didn't think it could get any further up your face. No, it's just sticking straight out. Come here.

Josh 1:09

No, no, no, no.

Amanda 1:10

No, I can't do this podcast with you until that is laying down.

Josh 1:14

Okay, we are the podcast about marriage 2.0 with kids.

Amanda 1:18

And Josh's eyebrows. And all the sideways. No, don't touch me. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Josh 1:24

What are you gonna like put some spit on your thumb and then rub it on my face?

Amanda 1:27

No, can I please?

Josh 1:29

My god.

Amanda 1:30

Come here. Ow. I didn't get it. Ow!

Josh 1:33

Stop. All right. Then there's people on the other end of this, supposedly. Um, hello, folks.

Amanda 1:39

Hi, everybody.

Josh 1:40

So we're sitting out here um because it is one of the three lovely days in northern Florida where we can sit out um in the morning without worrying about uh torrential thunderstorm or baking heat. And so we decided to come out here. But what this does mean is I'm probably not gonna do a lot of editing of this sound because we've got all sorts of sounds happening around us. Although I just realized the birds, oh, there's one. Okay, I was gonna say the birds stop tweeting when I talk. The birds are going at some point, the the air conditioning unit is probably gonna pop on over there, and so who knows what's and we have neighbors walking around, some people going to church, some people totally heathens, like running around with no clothes on with their hair on fire. So this will be an interesting episode.

Amanda 2:22

No, there it's cute. The mom's taking pictures of the grandma and the grandbaby.

Josh 2:26

Okay, but you can't talk quietly because you're afraid that they're gonna hear you, or else we can't do this podcast.

Amanda 2:30

All right.

Soccer Heat And The Tent Debate

Josh 2:32

So we had soccer yesterday. Winthrop had an experience with soccer. It was fraught. It was fraught.

Amanda 2:38

It was a it was oh god, it was so stressful.

Josh 2:40

Okay, so let me tell you all the things that really don't have to do with our stress. Um, it was it was hot, and Winthrop's team lost like eight to two or eight to one or something like that.

Amanda 2:53

But technically they won.

Josh 2:54

Well, see, but here's here's the stress then. Let's let's tell this story. Now, the reason why we tell these stories twofold. We tell these stories because maybe, maybe, it's doubtful, but maybe we can find the humor in them. Um, but also maybe you parents out there who have kids who go to soccer can can relate to some of our pain.

Amanda 3:13

Yeah, I don't know. What just flew over my head? All I saw was this giant shadow.

Josh 3:18

Okay, it's probably just a moth. Should we go inside? What's that?

Amanda 3:22

No, it was like a vulture, dude. You didn't see that? Okay.

Josh 3:26

Okay. So first things first, Amanda and I got into an argument before we even got into the car.

Amanda 3:32

Oh no. Um you got into an argument.

Josh 3:37

No, it takes two to argue.

Amanda 3:39

I just got annoyed by you. I didn't get I was anyway. Okay, fine. So it's this field went there past practice before soccer, so it's at like 1.15 and it's already 97 degrees, and there's no cut cloud cover. So I had told this was on me, the coaches last week that we would bring Josh's tent. Josh has an art tent.

Josh 3:59

It's at a 10 by 10 pop-up tent.

Amanda 4:02

So that the kids could be under it if they because they were last week they were dropping like flies from heat exhaustion. So, but then we realized we moved Muffy out of the dorm on Friday, and we used the wagon that we would normally put the tent in to pull it to the field. I had taken it back to work because there was no place in the car for it when we were uh finally got everything loaded in, and we couldn't get the tent to the field.

Josh 4:26

No, okay. Let's let's go ahead and let me tell you what actually happened.

Amanda 4:29

Oh, okay, yes, please do.

Josh 4:31

So I was a little like, whatever, fine, we'll take this big ass heavy tent over there because it's no small thing. So I grab it, I throw it on my shoulder to take it out to the car, and I realize that we don't have this wagon to take it from the parking lot um all the way over to field number one, which was the furthest field. And so I was weighing whether I should bring this tent, whether I should put the effort towards getting the tent. And so Amanda proceeds to talk me out of bringing the tent. Oh, the clouds, you know, the fine's cloud cover, it's cooler now. I'm like, mm-mm, okay, I won't bring the tent. Is that not what happened? Amanda Wilson.

Amanda 5:12

Go ahead and tell your little story.

Josh 5:14

Wait, that but that is what happened.

Amanda 5:17

That is what happened.

Josh 5:18

Okay, thank you. So we get there. Any clouds that apparently existed on the planet Earth evaporated. It is a crystal clear blue sky and very, very hot. And so I'm I'm annoyed because like I should have brought the tent.

Amanda 5:35

Yeah, but you okay, you f you neglected to say that. Also, you said to me, I don't have the things to stake it down. So if it gets windy, it's gonna blow over. Like you kept coming up with reasons why you it would not be successful to bring the tent. So my compromise is we have a pop-up beach tent that can fit like three children in it.

Josh 5:54

Three very small, three infant, three zygotes can fit in this thing.

Amanda 5:59

I you and I fully could lay down in this tent, but whatever. And I said, we'll bring it, and then I will explain to the coaches why we didn't bring the other thing, which I did, but then you just proceeded to be so like annoyed and mad that you didn't have the tent. And then my point to you was you have autonomy. Yes, I tried to talk you out of the tent, but you agreed to it. So don't be here being mad that you didn't bring the tent because you agreed to not bring the tent. But then I offered like seven times to go get the tent.

Josh 6:28

But then I immediately felt better about it because we set your little pop-up tent and it proceeded to do an impression of a very effective kite. That thing with me in it tried to take off several times. So I ended up just kind of for a while standing on the the back of the tent. Um I was annoyed by that too. What why?

Amanda 6:50

Because I was like, what, you're just gonna stand there the rest of the game?

A Sideline Dad Delays Kickoff

Josh 6:52

Well, I didn't know, just until you know, I until I calmed down. Yeah, exactly. Exactly the point. So that's how we started this whole adventure. We're like grousing at each other. So it was whatever, it's what we do, it's fine. It's all in love.

Amanda 7:05

And we're fine, it's fine, everything is fine.

Josh 7:07

Everything is fine, laughing right throughout. Well, not during one particular, but laughing afterwards.

Amanda 7:12

Most of the part of it.

Josh 7:14

So game starts, the uh opposing team. Oh no, the game doesn't start yet, practice starts. The opposing team, I notice, only has four players, and they can't play with four players. And so what's been done in the past is that the other team will lend the the shoot the team that's short some players. So I assumed that that was gonna happen. But then I look across at the other sideline, and this one father, long-haired father, looked like I don't know, if he I don't know what he looked like. He looked definitely like he worked at a country gas station.

Amanda 7:47

I felt like he looked like he was lost from a kid rock concert.

Josh 7:50

Okay, well, those that Venn diagram is probably a circle, and he was like getting really angry at the opposing coach, but I couldn't hear everything. But what I could hear coming across the field was it's about the children. It's too hot, I'm leaving. And he had a kid in a um stroller, in a stroller, and he's pushing this kid away in a stroller. Meanwhile, his kid dressed up in the soccer kit, is like clearly upset that his dad is doing this to them. He's embarrassed, he's uncomfortable, he's crying. The dad is storming off. They spend several minutes, the coach, the dad, and then the the referee went over to the referee, who I think was also kind of in charge.

Amanda 8:32

Yeah. And then the lady who organizes everything.

Josh 8:34

They were all talking, and and of course, this poor kid, man, this dad is making such an ass of himself. And so he goes and he walks halfway out, and then people are talking, blah blah blah blah. Such a hassle. And like puts the game start off like 10-15 minutes. And my biggest annoyance gone and gotten the tent. Yeah. Well, my biggest annoyance is that I didn't want to get too close to the father, but I also really wanted to know what was being said, so I was kind of inching over that one.

Amanda 9:02

Well, and I kept saying, Go listen, go listen, because I was not gonna leave my beach tent because I would fly away. And so I did notice you start to walk over there, and I got really happy about that.

Josh 9:12

Well, I couldn't really hear though, because then it was hush tones. So finally, our team lends their team a player, bada bing, bada boom. We're off.

Amanda 9:21

And so hold on. The reason the dad was upset was because they were gonna have to forfeit the game. So then he was like, they've already lost. Why are we gonna stay here and play? That's basically what I gathered he was upset about.

Josh 9:32

I didn't get to that at all. Okay, well, that's good. So, yeah, we wanted to play the game because our kids were there. I don't freaking actually care about the score. This isn't league play.

Amanda 9:43

They keep standings in this league, though.

Josh 9:45

They didn't do it in the one he used to be in. Right, but there's no relegation. There's no I mean, we're okay. We'll be fine no matter what happens this morning. As long as we get our kid to run up and down the field for a while, I'm happy as Larry. Honestly, I don't care. So the game in the standings was forfeit, but we played anyway, and we gave them our best player, and then that little team perceived you absolutely spank us hard.

Amanda 10:12

Our player scored every goal for them.

Shin Kick Drama And Resilience

Josh 10:14

Well, yeah, that's right. That's right. No, he said he said no, he didn't want to do it, but herein lies the real drama of the morning.

Amanda 10:25

Yeah.

Josh 10:25

Apparently, Winthrop has never, ever, ever been injured at all playing any of these games.

Amanda 10:32

Never mind, this is his third soccer season. This is his third season. And he plays for two or three hours every day at school and has had his glasses broken by running into people playing flag football. So I don't know what to say about this.

Josh 10:46

So he gets kicked in the shin, and yes, that that can hurt. I'll give him that. Of course, I'm I'm not a monster. He's got a nasty bruise. Yeah, he he well, it's not as nasty as the reaction, though. I'm just putting that. So he limps over, right? And he's he is so just shocked that anyone would dare hurt him this much.

Amanda 11:09

Well, and it's funny because I actually, as he was walking toward us, I was like, okay, he's gonna walk it, he's gonna walk it off. Like, I can see this, he's gonna walk it off. Because I do think that he was kicked last season at one point, but walked it off. Sure. And I was like, all right, he's gonna walk it off. But then it was like he looked at me and then he was done because it's like my mom is here, I'm gonna like go for all the sympathy. So I was getting annoyed because I don't think his reaction is the same as it would have been had you and I not have been there. And I it was not my finest parenting moment. I was really frustrated with him because yes, it hurts, but also at some point in time, you gotta learn to walk things like you know. So here's what I struggle with.

Josh 11:50

Wait, wait, wait. Before you get into the existential part of this, do you want to express exactly what your your reaction to him was?

Amanda 12:02

I said it to Josh, and I said we needed to let him go sit by his coaches or tell him to go sit by his coaches because he would not be as non-compliant with them. It's not the word that you said. I'm not gonna say what I said because you already made me tell Muffy what I said, and she was like, Don't say that. So I'm not gonna say it because at some point in time.

Josh 12:20

Let me tell you here that I saw a side of Amanda in our long relationship that I have never seen before.

Amanda 12:27

It's paramenopause, I'm telling you.

Josh 12:29

And that is the the suck it up kid mom.

Amanda 12:32

Uh because I'm not usually I'm like, I try to protect my children from all the pain, and I realize this is not doing them any services. But I had you and I had very difficult childhoods for very different reasons. But I I just was made to have to deal, and not because my mom was unkind or cruel, like your dad was cruel. My mom was not unkind or cruel, but my mom, you know, suffered the death of a child when I was very young. My brother died, and she, you know, she lost her ability to to function in ways that could manage the rest of us for a while. And that's totally understandable. But it was, you know, I was just made to deal with grief and all of these things on my own. Right. And to figure it out and be okay, right? Like I thought about plenty of times in high school when I was having a really horrible time, but there was nobody there to talk to about it. So I just had to get over it. Whereas, you know, when Muffy had a really bad time in school, it was processing, helping, therapy, all the things. And I I would think, like, how did I like I just dealt with it because I had to, and that's not healthy either, right? But at some point, life is just gonna life, and there's a balance of we have to learn to be okay or we have to to cope, I guess is the word I'm looking at. I don't know how to do so I am the soft mom. Hold on, I am the soft mom.

Josh 13:55

Geez, there it is again.

Amanda 13:56

Hold on.

Josh 13:56

Damn.

Amanda 13:57

My husband told me, by the way, that I can't use perimenopause is the reason why I get upset. I just want every woman in my age bracket to know that. And when I told him that that was unfair, he said, well, he has allergies, and his allergies are not an excuse for him to be grumpy at me. To which I had a lot of words about how the allergies don't affect his hormones, and this isn't like not something I'm choosing. This is something that is happening upon me. But anyway, everybody who's my age, write in and talk to Josh.

Josh 14:28

See, that it also affects your sense of humor because clearly I was teasing you.

Amanda 14:32

Wait, you're not new. Like this has been going on for a year. You should know. Anyway, I yesterday flipped the switch from nightmare continues. I wish people could see me hard rolling my eyes right now. The point is, yesterday, my like, let's talk it out and process your feelings, mom flipped a switch, and I was just like, you gotta suck it up and you gotta deal with it because I'm getting really tired of it. And you wouldn't respond this way if it wasn't, you know, me sitting here. And I I I just I just I I was no longer happy.

Josh 15:10

That's right. I mean, I was getting frustrated too. The bottom line is that we told him go stand next to your coach. Don't sit here. Go stand. We sent him away from the camp in the safety of the tribe.

Amanda 15:21

To be clear, you checked his leg. Like you were very you were actually being very much more gentle than I was. I was just not like making eye contact.

Josh 15:28

Well, here's the thing, though. This is the thing that I think that we both realize. Like, in our relationship, we can't both be a thing. Like, if one of us is a thing, then the other one needs to recognize that shit and be the opposite thing, or else the fucking canoe is gonna dip over. You know what I'm saying?

Amanda 15:44

I know, I know. Anyway, so we we he to his credit, he went over, he sucked it up, he went back in the game, and he was okay. But in the meantime, it was you don't understand, it's nothing, no one has ever hurt as badly as this hurts right now.

Josh 16:01

No one has ever felt this much pain.

Amanda 16:02

No one has ever felt this much pain. And the thing is, he doesn't really want to play soccer, he he like acquiesces and plays it because we know that he knows that we have a requirement for you've got to do some sort of physical activity that's organized, and so he does it, but he's not it's not like his favorite thing in the world. He really wants to be a ninja, and I don't mean that in like a like like whatever we call ninja spies, that's not what I mean. He wants to be an American ninja warrior, so we got him watching the shows last season uh through this past month or so. And Josh has a friend who was a ninja warrior, a pretty famous ninja warrior for several seasons, and Winthrop just totally like latched onto this and was like, I and he has always liked to flip and be upside down, and um, so there is a gymnastics gym here that does ninja classes. He knows he's gotta wait until soccer is over for us to try out one of those classes. But yesterday when he was going on about all the pain, I was like, buddy, this is part of sport. Everybody gets hurt in sport at some point in time. And he said, No, I said, Yes, even ninjas. No, not ninjas, not like this. Meanwhile, we've watched all the backstories about all the femurs and ankles and shoulders that have been, you know, had to like be like bio rebuilt for all of these ninjas. But he was just not hearing it from me yesterday.

Josh 17:27

There's a concept that you and I have talked about before, which is it's our job as parents to create resilience. And one of the ways that we do that is we put our children in situations where they are uncomfortable but safe. Yes. And even if they don't think so, yes, still at the end of the day, they are safe.

Amanda 17:47

Yes.

Josh 17:48

And we could do a better job of that with with all the kids, with all of them. You're right. And the dog.

Amanda 17:53

I think I decided what the dog.

Josh 17:55

I don't know. Just just putting that in. I keep going.

Amanda 17:57

Put them out in the neighborhood with the Dotsons. Yeah. Um, uh I know I I decided my flip switched yesterday and I'm done.

Josh 18:03

Your flip switched, very good.

Amanda 18:05

I'm I'm no longer willing to be the soft landing place.

Josh 18:11

Well, that's not true. You you will always be the soft landing place.

Amanda 18:14

No, it's fine. But anyway.

Josh 18:16

Listen, this is the world in which our kid is growing up, though. He is growing up in a world where as we're driving down the interstate to get to soccer, uh, we saw a a person who decided that their entire worldview needed to be encapsulated in six characters on their license plate. Right? So we see this big white truck, which is a statement in and of itself, and it had on the back, it had the don't tread on me floor license plate. Now, for those of you not familiar with the don't tread on me license plate, it's the picture of the um the snake that's cut into segments, and it's from Revolutionary War Days, and it's supposed to depict independence and American patriotism. It has been um appropriated by certain groups so that it now it is uh their rallying cry, don't tread on me. Now, granted, I don't know how many meals this person has missed, and it doesn't look like they've missed any payments on their giant ass white truck. So I'm not quite certain how much they're suffering. But the the cherry on top of the cake of this whole picture is that on this don't tread on me license plate are the letters W-Y-T-E-E. Yes, that's right. Whitey.

Amanda 19:40

It was the most obnoxious thing.

Josh 19:42

Whitey. Saying the quiet part way out loud so that no one can miss.

Amanda 19:47

Those were his inside words, and they needed to not be on the outside. Anyway, I don't want him to be on the inside either. But I okay, no, that's horrible. The world is horrible. I but you don't let me talk about politics, so I'm not gonna.

Josh 19:59

Well, I mean, we can't make an assumption. Either this person is libertarian, they're way conservative, or they just like snakes and fonts.

Amanda 20:07

I don't know what to tell you. But what I was going to say, I'm taking us back to soccer, right?

Josh 20:11

So soccer was Well, I want to get back to this truck situation. But go ahead.

Amanda 20:15

Okay, finish the truck. I don't want to talk about this damn truck. No, go ahead.

Josh 20:18

No, what you you got nothing to say about that?

Amanda 20:22

No, God, no, it's just anyway.

Josh 20:25

All right, the friends, those of you who have opinions on Whitey in his white truck and don't tread on me license plate, shoot me an email at familiarwilsons at gmail.com so we can all hold hands and just sing to the blessed sunshine together, how unified and together we are as a people. Now go ahead about soccer or whatever.

Amanda 20:46

As we were leaving after the game, Wendhroop's walking along and he said, What is that? And he pointed to a hurdle because the soccer fields were in the middle of a track at a high school. Yes. Right. I I said, Well, that's they run track here. You know how you you saw people at the Olympics doing the hurdles? And he looked at me and he said, But that's metal. And I said, Yes. And he said, But that must hurt if you fall. I said, Yeah, you've seen people fall, and on the he said, I thought they were made out of foam. So he was just getting his world just absolutely rocked yesterday when it comes to injury and sport.

Josh 21:24

He's got to keep doing it though. He's got to toughen up, like you said. He's got to do it. We're doing him a disservice if we just cover him in pillows all the way around and then stick him in a hamster bowl and roll him out.

Amanda 21:35

But what is what is the line between doing him a disservice because he needs to develop some resiliency and then it creating a a f sense of tox toxic toxic why can't I say that word?

Josh 21:49

Toxicity?

Amanda 21:50

Toxic masculinity.

Josh 21:52

Oh, we weren't first of all, it was coming from you, so it wasn't toxic. It was toxic feminine, if anything. But I I It's one of those things we will learn as we go with him, just like, you know, learning with uh Muffy as well and and how we learned with the other kids. But I think that we for this one we play the result. I don't think that he was damaged emotionally in any sort of way. And he got back in the game and he did fine in the game. He didn't keep looking furtively over to the sideline. Please let me out like he's in the prison yard um during visitor day. No, it's he he shook it off, he got in the game and he played the game willingly and he ran around. Now, he was a little gun shy, he was that he was he was kind of turning away from people as they're getting close to him with the ball. But I mean it's a step. And so I don't think we did any lasting damage. And will he remember this the next time that this happens? That you know miraculously he heal, he he you know, healed. I don't know if he'll remember it, but if we keep doing it consistently, maybe he'll get the point like, oh, I didn't die, they didn't have to saw my leg off like they would in a civil war. Um, we're all right, and then move on.

Amanda 23:06

And you had a good parenting will.

Josh 23:08

Hang on. Now, those sirens, if you can hear them, they are not coming to collect us for being bad parents. We live near an ER. So let's just let those go by.

Amanda 23:20

It's a Doppler effect in action.

Josh 23:22

I don't know if I wonder if the people can even hear this through the microphone. Will I have to dub in sirens?

Amanda 23:26

You might have to dub in sirens and bird noises.

Josh 23:29

I wonder if they've heard the the AC unit kick on. I've not noticed it kick on a bird. It did, it did before I was.

Amanda 23:34

So clearly I'm not paying attention to it.

Josh 23:36

All of this, though, all this distraction, better than the dog.

Amanda 23:39

Yeah, see, that's one of the reasons why we're out here because Josh has decided that the lizards and the bees and whatever that raptor that flew over my head is is least less distracting than the dog. When we because the dog waits until we're recording to do things to piss Josh off, like intentionally.

Josh 23:54

He does. He does. All right. I think that the the sirens are are far enough away, or we're just used to them by now.

Amanda 24:01

I was just gonna say that you had a good parenting moment because you did the thing you're supposed to do where when it's not in the moment later, you were talking to him last night and said, Hey, you know, I want you to to know that I noticed like this is what you did. You went back in and you realized that you were okay and you were able to walk it off, and your brain believes the things that you know, your body believes the things your brain tells it, or whatever you said. So it was good, it was good parenting.

Josh 24:26

Well, also, there was a little girl who was playing goal who not half the size of Winthrop, but like maybe three-quarters the size of Winthrop. This girl was I mean, she she was shaking her hands.

Amanda 24:37

Single one of those girls are tougher than the boys were acting yesterday.

Josh 24:40

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, toughen up and be a woman is what I said. Not toughen up and be a woman.

Bedtime Anxiety And Being "Old"

Amanda 24:45

Wanted to be like get some ovaries. Yes, because those girls were playing. Two of the girls, there's three girls on the team, and two of the girls were playing with injuries and like coming off, but you know, getting right back in. So I know. I didn't I didn't want to shame him, but at the same time, grow some ovaries. Anyway, I don't know why I'm being nice about this kid because he absolutely devastated me one night this week. I was he's having some issues again with I don't know how to sleep. And so Josh or I are laying with him at night to get him. But the thing is, it's his anxiety, his brain won't shut off. And so, and we've had some wildfires, and they've had to cancel out tour activities at school. So he's had a lot of questions about fires at night, which is understandable.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Right.

Amanda 25:29

I'm laying in there with him, and and he says, you know, thank you, mom, just out of nowhere, thank you, mom. I said, for what, buddy? And he said, just for everything you do for me, thank you. And I said, Oh, buddy, I love you. And then he said, and I'm sorry. And I said, What are you sorry for? He said, Every bad thing I've done. I said, Buddy, you are not bad. Like I don't like it when kids use the word bad. Like you can make decisions that aren't great, you can make mistakes, whatever, but I don't like the innate, I'm good or I'm bad. Because we are all neither one of those things. And he said, Well, when I fuss, and I said, Yeah, I said, You can apologize for that. And so then he's laying there and he's just like loving on me and he's rubbing my hair. And he said, Can you dye your hair? Because he doesn't like it when my roots start to grow out and you can see the gray. And I said, But I did. And he said, Well, why can I see some here? And it was underneath where I'd only dye the roots. I didn't dye to the back of my head. And I said, Oh, you know, whatever. And then he was quiet for a minute. He goes, I love my life. I just don't like that my parents are so old. And I got nothing. And I said, Okay. And he said, Could you please just be 30 again? And I said, Well, I'd like that. You wouldn't be here because I didn't have you. I didn't even have Muffy when I was 30. So he he loves us. He just doesn't like that we're old and that his siblings are so much older than him, and that he's the only one in elementary school.

Josh 26:52

Let me tell you that he has never expressed to me that he's upset that I'm old. I've got this gray beard here. So it's the fact that you you are, you know, whatever. Me.

Amanda 27:04

He said parents. He didn't say I don't. He said parents.

Josh 27:07

Never has he expressed this to me. I mean, I think he's just as happy to continue on with you and trade me in for a new newer model or he's like, then get mom some hair dye and then a new dad. Yep, there we go.

Amanda 27:20

Okay, good. Maybe Whitey's available.

Satire Break Racist No More

Josh 27:24

Ah, very good. Do you suffer from having absolutely no idea how to exist around other human beings? Do you find yourself saying things like, I'm not racist, but and then immediately proving that you are? Then you need this new product, Racist No More, the fast-acting, slow learning solution for people who thought history class was optional. Spoiler, it wasn't. With Racist No More, you'll experience breakthrough features like thinking before speaking, listening to other people, and our patented maybe it was me the whole time technology. Just one dose, and you'll go from I can't say anything anymore to oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Clinical studies show that nine out of ten participants improved dramatically, and the tenth started a podcast. Please note side effects may include sudden awareness, occasional embarrassment about things you tweeted in 2004, and the uncomfortable urge to delete old Facebook posts. Ask your doctor if racist no more is right for you. But then ask yourself, why did you need to ask your doctor? Racist No More. Because the bar is set so low, yet here we are. Amanda, I can't tell you how many times parenting feels like a sociological experiment that I haven't signed the consent forms for.

Amanda 28:59

You signed some sort of consent when you were nine months before you were born.

Josh 29:04

I mean, no, you you consented.

Amanda 29:06

Apparently I consented.

Josh 29:08

And I was just like, oh, this is fun.

Amanda 29:11

Anyway, go ahead. What?

Josh 29:12

Let's just do this thing that feels great and has no consequences.

Amanda 29:18

Can you hear the Win Times?

The School Recorder Arrives

Josh 29:19

Yeah, that's very nice. Um, okay, so anyway, the recorder has entered our lives. And when I say recorder, I don't mean a producer to handle the editing uh portion of the podcast. I mean this damn uh instrument that came home um from school with Rinthrop, and it is, without a doubt, the most obnoxious. The only thing worse is that if he would have come home with bagpipes. Oh gosh. Which we are not in that culture, thank God. But I feel like this is like the tadpole version of bagpipe, this recording.

Amanda 29:53

But see, the thing is, I remember 40 something years ago bringing the damn recorder home. Like it's been a thing in American culture for third grade forever.

Josh 30:03

Yes. So at some point, like someone decided in the music curriculum that this needs to be mandated. So now Winthrop comes home with this damn annoying government th flute that he has.

Amanda 30:14

Oh, I had I paid for it too.

Josh 30:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but it is uh an audio disturbance, this.

Amanda 30:21

Yeah, but he doesn't practice it. And so I feel like should we be forcing him to practice it or should we just be trying to get through?

Josh 30:28

Is he gonna be tested on it?

Amanda 30:29

I don't know.

Josh 30:30

Okay, we need to find these things out because the uh so far, like he's played it once, right? Or like twice. I mean, it's basically at this point a single-use plastic.

Amanda 30:41

I'm really glad I paid$27 for it.

Josh 30:43

Yep, absolutely. So why do they do that?

Amanda 30:46

Well, they didn't force me to buy it, they have ones that they can use at school, and then you can buy one for home in the music book so they can practice. And I started to feel like, well, he's gonna be, you know, not feel prepared if we don't have one for him to practice at home. Then it came home and no one wanted him to practice it. In fact, Muffy woke up from a nap yelling, make it stop. And I said, Your brother's practicing his recorder, and she said, Can he practice it outside? And I said, Do not think the neighbors will appreciate that. So it's only happened once, and now I don't know if he's gonna be tested or what. Other countries, people in the UK, we talked to the plants about this, and they seem to understand the recorder and how horrible it was. Do you have recorders there? Is this a thing that your school is it compulsory? Do they make you play this thing?

Josh 31:35

All I know is that in this county they have banned plastic straws.

Amanda 31:40

Paper recorder? You want a paper recorder?

Josh 31:42

But plastic straws get used more than these recorders. And then where is there a landfill somewhere that every time like a stiff breeze goes by, there's just this horrible, horrible noise from all of these unused recorders? Or do they just take them, melt them down, and make more recorders? Make more recorders, yeah. It's just ridiculous. It is the probably one of the most useless aspects of American education, and that is saying a whole hell of a lot.

Amanda 32:06

Saying a lot, a lot, a lot.

Josh 32:08

It's feeding this false narrative that everyone is able to create, and everyone can be an artist and everyone is a musician. Clearly, the recorder wrecks that theory.

Amanda 32:17

Oh, it wrecked it for me. I did not pass recorder or whatever in third grade.

Josh 32:21

So, listeners out there, would you like to win a slightly used recorder?

Amanda 32:25

It's only been used once.

Josh 32:27

Email us at familiarwilsons at gmail.com. There's not even any sort of contest, just email us with your details. We will pay shipping, we will pay, we will throw$5 in if you take this recorder, and I don't want to know what you've done with it. Just do whatever it is. He's on the streaming services, Apple, Spotify, um AJCW.

Amanda 33:25

Who knows?

Josh 33:25

I don't know. What is Substack?

Amanda 33:27

I don't know. I just know that the bloggers I listen to say like subscribe to my substack. I don't really want to know what's going on.

Josh 33:31

So it's like it's just a blog then.

Amanda 33:33

I guess.

Josh 33:34

Okay, very good.

British Insults Quiz Night

Amanda 33:34

Okay. So typically when I'm giving Josh a quiz, it's the New York Times flashback quiz where he has to put things from history on a timeline. But this week I got a New York, my New York Times like daily email said something about British insults. So I did some investigation.

Josh 33:50

Okay.

Amanda 33:51

And the conceit behind this quiz is can you tell real British insults from fakes in this quiz?

Josh 33:58

Okay. Who generated this quiz?

Amanda 34:00

The New York Times.

Josh 34:01

Americans, then.

Amanda 34:02

Okay.

Josh 34:03

No, no, I'm just I'm just saying for our many listeners um in the UK, you gotta write us and let us know if this is even legit or if someone chat GPT this nonsense.

Amanda 34:12

No, let me give you the background behind it. So it says British researchers are counting the ways, asking people around the country to send them swear words and insults that might be little known to outsiders. So this is a British research project. Okay. That the New York Times has turned into a quiz. Okay. Uh the Chris Montgomery, a senior lecturer at the University of Sheffield, says, We're really interested in those words that only make sense if you're from a particular place. He's leading the endeavor along with modern TOSS and arts group.

Josh 34:38

What I'm to understand then is that are these like very regional? So, in other words, someone from like the northeast of of England would have heard of it, but someone like in London wouldn't have heard of it. Is that how specific it is?

Amanda 34:51

That's what it sounds like, but I knew the first one. But maybe it's because it's London. Okay, but anyway, the point is Dr. Montgomery says it's to preserve the diversity of curse words being used around Britain.

Josh 35:01

Okay.

Amanda 35:01

Particularly if they're obscure.

Josh 35:02

So hopefully I can I can like fold some of these into um into my vocab. Yesterday I had an interesting experience where I was not yesterday, but this week, where I was mocked relentlessly by the big boss at our um company because I was telling her about a person sitting over there who had a jumper on, and she was like, a jumper, and she started to laugh and because the person had a sweater on. Yes, but she thought that jumper meant romper or jumpsuit. I'm like, no, a jumper. And she just she didn't believe me.

Amanda 35:37

And then she thought you were being pretentious.

Josh 35:39

And and no, she didn't think that because she just thought I was an idiot. Um, she went around telling us, hey, hey, guess, guess what Josh called that? It's what it was is I wasn't being pretentious. I couldn't think of the word sweater for a second. I lost that word.

Amanda 35:53

It's because you're an anglophile. You live in your head in the UK.

Josh 35:56

But what I am telling you is that more and more I'm losing words. Oh, yeah, no, same. And so I take the first, I take the first line that's presented to me. I grab it, I'm like, that that'll work. That's good. And sometimes it's a it's a it's a foreign line.

Amanda 36:10

Then maybe don't use these insults with the big boss. It works.

Josh 36:14

No, I might. Go ahead. Okay.

Amanda 36:15

So there's eight, eight of these questions.

Josh 36:17

She's great. I mean, put that out there. I think she's great. Okay. I don't want anyone from work listening to I thought it was funny that she was making fun of me, kind of. I mean, I didn't I had some resilience and I didn't report it to HR.

Amanda 36:30

You sucked it up. I sucked it up. All right. All right. So there are eight of these, right? And they're gonna be multiple. I'm gonna give you uh a sentence stem, and you're gonna need to fill in the blank, but uh, there are four choices. Okay, go ahead.

Josh 36:42

It sounds way too complicated. See if you can know what sentence stem means. Go ahead.

Amanda 36:46

A sentence stem sounds like a question, but you got there's a there's a fill in the blank part. Okay. So here's the first one. See if you can spot the real British insult.

Josh 36:54

Is sentence stem also an insult in Britain? You're such a sentence stem.

Amanda 36:58

No, it's thank you.

Josh 36:59

It's my my my No, I've often thought that Dan Belson's a sentence stem. He's a sentence stem stem.

Amanda 37:04

Okay. In London, you might despair of your brother Rodney being a blank tool. Getterhead, spotted dick, whipma wompmugate, or plonker.

Josh 37:19

Plonker.

Amanda 37:20

Well, yeah.

Josh 37:21

But does it give you the definition of the colour?

Amanda 37:22

It does, it says correct. The term has been heard all around the country, but was especially popularized by the 1980s sitcom Only Fools and Horses. The show followed The Misadventures of Two Brothers, pictured above. Oh, hey, there are there. In South London. Okay.

Josh 37:36

Wait a sec, so wait a second. But that sentence offered no context to what the insult was, except unless, of course, all Rodney's are plunkers.

Amanda 37:43

Okay, well, I mean, no, uh some context sluge. You don't want your brother to be called that. So it's bad. All right, brilliant. Okay. All right.

Josh 37:51

Number two, go ahead.

Amanda 37:52

I've had it up to here with this insufferable blank. Here are your choices. Gafter, Wazik, Welk, or Bellsprout.

Josh 38:03

Bell sprout's pretty good. I like that. Uh we're gonna say Bellsprout.

Amanda 38:10

Incorrect. It's Wazik, which you might use to describe a foolish or annoying person if you live in or around Yorkshire.

Josh 38:18

Yorkshire.

Amanda 38:18

A bell sprout is a type of Pokemon.

Josh 38:21

Oh, okay, but also sounds like someone who's a real dickhead, but go ahead.

Amanda 38:26

All right. Mr. Stewart is the village's worst blank. Clype, crumpet, spoonybard, or wattle snipe.

Josh 38:36

Okay, so we've heard the word clipe before, our friend in Scotland. But I don't remember what it means. So we're gonna say clipe.

Amanda 38:47

Correct. Clipe is a Scottish word for a snitch informer or a tattletale.

Josh 38:52

Oh, a grass. So Wilson was a clipe then a couple weeks ago.

Amanda 38:55

Winthrop. Wilson's the dog.

Josh 38:57

Yeah, that's right. Winthrop, our son. Never mind.

Amanda 39:00

It can also be used as a verb to clipe.

Josh 39:02

To grass, to snitch.

Amanda 39:05

Okay. Your cousin was talking absolute blank in the pub last night.

Josh 39:10

Bollocks.

Amanda 39:11

Okay, your choices are bobbins, crumble boar, splink, or gloin.

Josh 39:17

Uh, we're gonna say bobbins.

Amanda 39:20

Correct. Bobbins is a slang term used in Manchester to rem to mean rubbish or nonsense.

Josh 39:26

Yeah, I've heard that.

Amanda 39:27

Okay, there you go. Good. All right. A family member is proving extremely frustrating to deal with. If you're in Northern Ireland, you might describe that person as a blank crofter, quillwit, whippet cracker, or melter.

Josh 39:44

No idea. We're gonna say the first one.

Amanda 39:47

Crofter.

Josh 39:48

Sure.

Amanda 39:48

Incorrect. It's melter. Crofter is a Scottish word for a small-scale farmer, but it is not pejorative. So melter is extremely annoying. Alright, three more. Bam pot can describe a person whose actions are blank. Cruel, arrogant, eccentric, or short-tempered.

Josh 40:08

It sounds eccentric to me.

Amanda 40:11

Correct. Bampot in Scotland or Barnpot in some parts of northern England is a mild insult. All right. Cheer up, no need to be a blank. Marty Git, blunderbus, cumberbatch, or mog wipe.

Josh 40:29

We're gonna say Marty.

Amanda 40:31

Marty Git.

Josh 40:32

Yeah.

Amanda 40:33

Correct. Look at you. Git, which can be used both affectionately or as a mild insult, is commonly used to describe someone as silly or foolish. But in the East Midlands and in Manchester, a Marty Git is more specifically a person who is sulky or moody. Uh Winthrop is a Marty Git sometimes. Especially in when he's uh soccer. All right, last one. Ready? Go ahead. An idiotic person from the city of Portsmouth. Is it Portsmo Ports Portsmouth? Portsmouth. Keep going. It's spelled like Portsmouth. It's not part of the Portsmouth. Okay, an idiotic person from the city of Portsmouth risks being called a blank. Dinlow, Sourlog, gaffer, or rampling?

Josh 41:16

Uh we're gonna go for the first one.

Amanda 41:19

Dinlow. Correct. This light-hearted slang term is popular in southern England, including Portsmouth. Its origins have been linked to a Romani word, dinalo, which has a similar meaning. Alright, so six out of eight. You got the correct definition for almost all of these British insults and can start trying them out.

Josh 41:39

Well, good. I'm gonna try them out on all the bell sprouts I know.

Amanda 41:43

So but that's just a Pokemon. Yeah. So which one are you gonna take away?

Josh 41:47

Bell sprout. That's the one I'm taking away.

Amanda 41:48

You're taking away the non-British insult.

Josh 41:50

Well, yeah, but it could be. It could be. It's inspired by. Bell Sprout is great. I love it.

Amanda 41:56

Speaking of inspired by, let's talk about our new project that I sang a song about last week, and now it's coming to fruition, folks.

Josh 42:05

Oh, yes, we are making a British pub-themed room in our house. We have purchased the paint, and we we spent way too much time picking paint, I feel like, because the the whole the conceit of this room is supposed to be dimly lit and we're gonna be drunk. So I'm not quite certain. We have a big bureau that I'm gonna turn into a bar with a you know a brass foot uh rest and and um cool stuff like a pub mirror behind it with cabinets for wine and all that uh stuff, couple of bar stools, a couple of chairs, and a little table, and then a dartboard.

Amanda 42:43

Yes, yes.

Josh 42:45

Now, if you are paying attention at all to this podcast, you'll know that a couple weeks ago to a month ago, Amanda got really, really excited about painting these damn little houses that she would buy these little wooden houses and she's like, That's it. This is my thing. I now paint houses. I'm a house paper. Maybe I can sell them on Etsy. You know, this will be my hobby, this will be the thing. Yeah, well, that lasted a little bit longer than the recorder did here in the house.

Amanda 43:10

And now hyperfixation unlocked and then locked to get away again.

Josh 43:13

That's right, whatever you just said. Um, but I am really invested in doing this in the other room. So we will do it, and I will tell you that when we finish, or I take that back because it's gonna be a labor of love for a while. But when we get it to a point where we're gonna open it as a bar, even if it's not quote unquote done done, all of you are invited.

Amanda 43:32

Yes, come to our British pub.

Josh 43:35

And we gotta think of a name for that's the thing we can do. Let's do this.

Amanda 43:37

Oh, yeah, let's host a contest.

Josh 43:39

We will send you a a slightly used recorder if you help us come up with what the name of this pub will be.

Amanda 43:48

And then you can design a logo and then we can get shirts printed, and then people can purchase them on our Patreon.

unknown 43:54

Oh, geez.

Amanda 43:55

Do we have a Patreon?

Josh 43:56

We I don't know. I think I got rid of it, but no tiny wooden house. Woman, we're not committing ourselves to shirts. Let's just do this this British pub thing that we have to do because we painted a big splotch of red.

Amanda 44:07

No, that's the thing, is like we are in because Josh painted like a three foot by three foot green square on the office wall. So we're in now.

Go Outside Thanks And Farewell

Josh 44:16

So more to come on that.

Amanda 44:18

No one likes to be told what to do. Now is the time in the program where we tell you what to do. Josh, what should the people do?

Josh 44:26

Go the hell outside. We're sitting here outside. My hope is that all the sounds in the background weren't distracted you. They were lovely and evocative of just a beautiful, plush outdoor paradise, because that's what we're sitting in. Um but go outside. It is lovely and it is worth it, and it helps you. It helps you emotionally and physically. Go outside.

Amanda 44:49

I've noticed since we've been sitting here, I've got tons of pollinators on the jasmine. So that's been nice because I'm like actually just sitting here not looking at my phone and talking to you and noticing um all of the all the little pollinators that are out and about.

Josh 45:03

In other words, good that you put your phone down. Still, I don't get your 100% attention. Got it.

Amanda 45:10

But it was a bumblebee.

Josh 45:13

Familiarwissons at gmail.com. Go ahead and email us. Alright, Amanda, that's all there is. There is no more. What'd you think of that mess?

Amanda 45:29

I liked being outside.

Josh 45:30

Yeah, no, it was very, very good. And maybe we should keep doing it. I we're gonna hear. We're gonna hear from our listeners. Did the background noises annoy you or did you just not notice them?

Amanda 45:42

Or wasn't there, or could you just not hear them? Now I'd be sad. Although you're a very happy podcasting boy because the dog has not been here.

Josh 45:49

Yeah, absolutely. I'll take wasps and bees to the dog. Um, I also will take these following people because we love them and they really, really add just that little special something to our lives as podcasters. So thank you to Justin, Matt, Antonio, Josh Scar, Daniel J. Buckets, Chicken Tom, Rest in Peace, Monique from Germany, Leo, Joey, Joey, Ryan Baker, Refine Gay Jeff, and Kate and Tony, Mark and Rachel and Dan and Gavin.

Amanda 46:19

Dinks, friends.

Josh 46:20

Thank you also to Ricky Kendall for our intro music.

Amanda 46:23

I love that song so we've been hearing that.

Josh 46:26

To Chris Barron for our super familiar music, and for AJCW, Andrew Wilson for the song you're listening to in the background right now. Thank all of you. So until next week, y'all, wish us luck. We have a couple more weeks of soccer to go. Hopefully, we survive until then, and then of course, we will enter Winthrop into American Ninja Warrior.

Amanda 46:50

Yes. Uh tonight, uh, you won't hear this today, so it doesn't matter. I was gonna say we have poetry at the bull, and um, Winthrop wrote you a very lovely poem for your birthday. He wrote you a haiku. I didn't even ask him to. This was a thing that he did, and so I'm gonna send it to you, and I would like for you to put it out on the socials so that people can see what a kind and loving child he is, and what a great father you are.

Josh 47:12

Look for us on Instagram. That's basically where we do stuff. I don't bother with many other of these social networks because who has the time? Please, I don't do this often, but go ahead and and smash the like button in your s in your podcast um app of choice and then spread the word about the Wilsons. Let people know we exist, because we want to, you know, eventually take over the entire podcasting world.

Amanda 47:36

Or we just want to make connection with all of you people like our new interest song talks about. Let's continue the conversation.

Josh 47:44

Uh okay, but with lots of people, and then the money pours in.

Amanda 47:47

Okay, this okay. I I would just like the conversation.

Josh 47:52

All right.

Amanda 47:53

Listen, go be kind. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 47:55

Bye, okay.